Sometimes I read or hear something that almost makes me feel bad that I have always had a preternatural self-confidence and unshakeable love inside of me. I... am sorry? That isn't quite right. But, I feel bad. What you are describing in typically beautiful language is hard to stomach, hard to read, and teared me up a bit by the end. Wishing you the best in love, love for yourself, and in love, with others. Much love - Carl