True love is selfless and not selfish

Paradise Lost Chapter I

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"Everyone on the street will have a funny story today" I convinced my best friend, Danko while assuring that I was fine. " Trust me!"

Though he was frowning, I lifted my lips slightly upwards while telling him "Like the guys on the road will tell their family, I witnessed a strange accident involving a bule; the nurses at the hospital, they'll pass on a story about a girl who cursed a lot. And the people at the waiting room, they will say, I saw a bule today and he's pretty bloody."

He chuckled a little though his eyes were covered in guilt."With adventures like these we won't get to live that long" he added.

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Months later, I told Anne that I was thirsty of another adventure." I want to travel but it's going to feel like an escape". It definitely was an escape. I was worn out seeing the bitter truths. I thought everything in my life was complete. I had a caring and emotionally available partner who would go through thick and thin. I had the funniest, honest and a charming best-friend who made me feel, we were the punks ; against all odds in our life. Until one particular phase, I was drowning and nobody seemed able to help.

I was drowning in my own head with all the anxiety, fears and insecurities constantly attacking me. Soon, I became something I feared. The people who I dearly loved, left me. They were reaching out their arms to save me but I did not even raise mine. I wanted to be left alone in cold and darkness. So they left.

I got what I wished for and later regretted it.

Yet both shaped the way I think about love. It is more than just a strong emotional bonds. It is to the point, that you care too much until you're willing to sacrifice for their happiness. True love is selfless and not selfish.

Cryptocurrency was doing fairly well around November and December 2017. It affected my investment that I made a decent profit. My freelance was at its peak too. Clients after clients seemed to be the only way to forget my problems. I tried to occupy my hour with endless writing, delivering products, managing clients and projects I was involved. Somehow it seemed for that moment, I moved on.

Then right after the new year's eve celebration, I started my journey. I wanted to reap what I sow from the previous months,enjoying fruitful taste of my hard work. " you earn it" was a mantra I kept telling myself right after I woke up in the morning.

I began my journey by exploring the town I was residing. I had been living there for three years. Yet I never had an opportunity to leave many of my footprints in town with a scanty allowance. That time, I had all the time and the money to explore in the way that I wanted it. Yes,the way I always wanted it.

I visited one of the famous painter's gallery in town.Prior my visit, I had a little knowledge about this painter named Affandi.All I knew, he was known for his abstractionism. It didn't take me long to delve myself into his artworks. I had an eyes for them, they spoke to me through dash of colors and each strokes. It was a magical moment that I almost shed a tear while strolling and gazing through finely painted pictures. It was the final result of struggles. A masterpiece.

I did not forget to invoke my love for appetizing cuisine. After the tour ended, I went to taste my very first chef-made medium rare steak. It was nothing like I imagined. More on that, the restaurant was overlooking the main river beneath the busy road. It was clean unlike most of rivers we had in here.

Meanwhile I was chewing my steak, I observed the people who were passing by and some visitors who sat next to my table. They were not alone.They were happily chatting with their partner, smiling and taking pictures capturing the moment.Next thing I knew, I swallowed the steak in my bitterness.

I left the restaurant and went to my co-working space.It was a hidden gem in town. A little coffee shop that served traditional coffee menu and exact four optional croissant. The price was not affordable for a typical student who survive on instant noodle day to day. Yet that time, everything was inexpensive. " It's only 3$" was the excuse I kept telling myself. Not to mention, the place had a perfect ambient for an introvert. Their connection was among the best in town that I could download couple of movies in less than an hour. It was also still an unpopular café.

There was a thought to visit my hometown. I never knew where I exactly belong for I had a complicated situation with it. One thing for sure, I wanted to repair the broken relationship I had with people I called the family.

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Footnote :

• This story is part of memoir called paradise lost . It is recollection stories and journey of the author's life during the turmoil days.Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

• Bule is originally a term to refer Caucasian person although loosely it can also simply mean a foreigner.

• Travel advices and pictures above can be found through reading An Inspiring life story from an Indonesian greatest painter Affandi.

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_{Disclaimer
The information provided is part of my personal interest. If you have any objection, ideas or constructive criticism, do not hesitate to leave a comment. Any form of feedbacks are appreciated.I will get back to you as soon as possible.}