The story of how Mr Tusswood became a non-smoker

Smoking Idiot gets converted into a "all is well non-smoker"...

It is now 2075, and let me tell you a feature story from the past, when the man’s body evolved to have gills to hold up the cigarette tar and it is a very interesting story.

I often wonder why people smoke cigarettes, to do slow suicide, albeit enjoyably? Cough, cough… all this smoke talk, black lung vision. Anyway back to the point…

Evolution took place on the bodies of smokers, (Merciful God wanted to save smokers from dying) so their bodies evolved around year 2030 …

Smokers got inbuilt filters on their chest to filter the tar from processing and affecting the once pure unpolluted chest… that’s good, however everything has a hidden clause… all this tar collected in the filter had to come out right?, like hard water coming out of the outlet tube in RO filters, so smokers got an outlet in their thigh area, something which is called tar gills. And on Feb 1st 2030, this incident was a sensational news story.

Cigarette smoker had slimy cigarette tar drench his pant pockets…!!!

Mr Tusswood, just brought that iphone 25 which got launched and was very happy. He got busy showing off and had that phone handy inside his pant pocket to show it to anyone when he gets the chance. His pant was purple in color and was a special pant, his lucky charm, lot of good things happened when he wore that purple pant. Foremost was his memory of when he met his wife, Mrs Tusswood now - it was in the shop where he brought those purple pants. she was the lady who sold him that piece and he brought that pant overwhelming with love love at first sight for her. (this story another time maybe?).

Well… he was smoking his third cigarette of the day merrily around 3 that afternoon and well this was what happened, it is recorded on camera and came in visual, digital and print media news of those days.

Just as Tusswood was midway with his smoking, he felt something hot on his pockets, it was warm and well getting hotter and a burning sensation… and then Tusswood danced and screamed, his purple pant on both pockets was flowing with black liquid and his iphone, drenched with black liquid smelled of cigarettes and even though he was a cigarett smoker, he did not like that.

Tusswood, had many reasons to feel anxious, his favourite purple pant which reminded him of his sweet heart had its pockets black and smelling with cigerett flavoured oily tar and then his iphone got black and if that was not enough he dropped that gadget(which was like his second sweet heart) and it is still not over, his side thighs were marinated with smelly hot cigarett flavoured oily tar and it burned him. Ouch!!!!

He touched the liquid and sniffed it and fainted suddenly, even his face got black as he unconsciously applied that tar on his otherwise clean face, (his wifealways ensured her man had a clean face).

Later that day, his wife, Mrs Tusswood, was called to the hospital and was given the Iphone 25(after the authorities the liberty of fiddling with it) which Mr Tusswood would otherwise not have allowed anyway including even his wife to touch and fiddle. She as a dutiful, loving wife was on to wipe the cigarett tar off it and brought her husband a clean black pant with 2 towels.

Doctor explained that Mr Tusswood got gills out of which hot cigarett tar came out and well a chest xray showed Mr Tusswood had filters that filtered that cigarett smoke tar out. Whenever Tusswood smokes and those previously unknown gills are filled it would leak from the thigh sides, it’s an evolution of man to adapt to the ills caused due to their proximate association with cigarette smoke. Doctor said, “congratulations!! on being the first person on earth to have experienced this evolutionary process”.

So, Mr Tusswood became a celebrity for a while with all news and stories on him being the first human to get gills to filter the cigaret tar!! Bewildered Mr Tusswood, saw his extremely upset wife, because the special pants that was the mark of her first association with him was blackened. He remembered his time when they were going about in the process of falling in love with each other completely, she used to feel offended with his smoking habbit and used to take the cigarett off his lips and smash stamp it. He actually liked that, however, there was no way he can proceed as his smoking was a hindrance in the way of him getting more proximate to her in any way.

She used to refer to him as “the cigarett smoking man” bringing to memory that character from Xfiles, they both were fans of the Xfiles program. Mostly they liked the Xfiles program tune that goes like this …

However, love birds with fast pumping hearts, they had to become…

Fate had it that her flavour of love for Mr Tusswood was stronger than his flaw of having that disagreeable cigarette flavour about him, and they married!!!

“You look like a tribal, your blackened your face”, Mrs Tusswood said, wiping his face, “I hope the stain goes, its oily”. Then she showed him his odd face showing it in a mirror, “laugh at yourself, you primitive tribal fellow” and he did, after which she did too and other hospital folks laughed too.

“I hope you would still tolerate me if my face stays like a primitive tribal fellow”, he later said, “I am sorry for those purple pants, but I would always love you in here”, he said touching her heart, that he knew a large part of it belongs to him.

Well, it was touching their romance was so filled with love post marriage. However, those purple pants never got unblacked but Mr Tusswood’s face did, it took 3 days though. And his wife accepted him even with the black tribalistic face as their romance that started from the hospital led to love making that very night at home and Mrs Tusswood had a good feel of his gills that time. He still smelled of cigarettes though. Post that day, Mr Tusswood, could not smoke, his iphone 25 too was still not completely unblack, and those special pants not becoming its original colour. Plus, it would be so inconvenient to smoke if the tar leaks at the sides, it’s a burning torrid experience.

That year, at Mrs Tusswood birthday, Mr Tusswood was thinking of getting her a gift, but that morning she caressed him when he was waking up and said, “you becoming a non-smoker from a cigarett smoking man is my birthday gift honey”, he smiled.

He got her a purple dress that he would present to her soon, so they can celebrate going out on a day with that purple dress. He would never have that smell of cigarett smoke, so atleast he can kiss his wife more easily, anytime and he was happy with that and spend his life with her than enjoy having awful cigaretts, he loved and enjoyed his life and his wife more than cigaretts, the later was an addiction which he has gotten over with.

The End...