A dating profile for Jason pussycat
by The Invisible Man

Are your toenails chubby enough for my amazing eyes?
And now for something completely different.

To only the best people out there,

I'm a generous kinda man, who likes nothing more than hiking with the right person, and socialising with my good mate, Orlando Bloom, who admires my smart qualities.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my helpful personality, closly followed by my smashing eyes. I can be a jerk when I don't know people well - with body parts like my eyes and my moles, I can afford to be.

I work as a swordsman, helping old sexy ladies. This allows me to exercise my skills: cutting hair and looking after people. One day, I was just about to stop work when Orlando Bloom appeared from nowhere and congratulated me on a job well done. "Jason pussycat, that was a job well done." That's the kind of thing people say to me on a daily basis. Of course, now, Orlando Bloom and me are best friends, and the praise runs like water. A lesser man would get a big head.

My life goals include:
Meet Eric Idle
Shoot a follow-up to the perfume advert I star in
Become the best swordsman I can be
If you're the right person for me, you'll be considerate and admirable. You won't be afraid to have a good time and will have a healthy respect for life.

My ideal date would involve baking in Ireland with a moist person by my side. While we're there, I evaluate your chubby toenails, checking that you're up to my understandably high standards.

People only get one chance with me. For every person who displeases me, there are another 111 waiting in the wings to replace you.

A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh?

If you're worthy, get in touch!

Jason pussycat

Thanks for reading,
The Invisible Man
@theinvisibleman