Part 5 – killing yourself to live and a celebration

To those Few who read this Saga… (do not forget the purpose writing about this particular series of events is not to solicit sympathy nor admiration, but for me to record an amazing journey. Make no mistake, it was absolute hell on my family whereas for me, I was just enduring the process at that time, moment by moment)

Now the cortisone had kicked in.

I became as round as a balloon.

Going up steps was quite a challenge, even the single step from the lounge!

(the Step)

I was amazingly weak. Could not get out of bath without assistance from Michele When I bathed I felt the most uncomfortable thing. I felt my bones when I sat in the bath; the muscles in my backside had disappeared. I used to be a very keen squash player (it is a game that involved a great deal of running around on the squash court). So my physique was developed by a great deal of strenuous activity on the squash court, friends used to joke that my buttocks resembled a Bushman. I didn't like the idea of not being able to get out of the bath with assistance so I developed the technique of turning myself onto my hands and knees, then raising myself onto my knees, then carefully getting up into a standing position and then get carefully out the bath. The funny thing was that Michele always runs a nice deep bath, so I would take a deep breath because when I initially turned over my face was under the water. I then sat on the side of the bath and dried myself. I could no longer stand and dry myself. I would be assisted to the bedroom. I could not even pick up my foot to rest it on the opposite knee when putting on my socks. I had to pull it up or if a bad day, Michele would do the honours.

I had to put an extra cushion on my office chair because it was extremely uncomfortable when sitting for long periods.

Another unpleasant result from the excess cortisone was getting Cushing's Syndrome (because my body had too much cortisol) and this in turn resulted something called a buffalo hump. This is an accumulation of fat behind your neck, hence the description of a buffalo hump. I believe Cushing's Syndrome is quite rare. Another symptom from Cushing’s is that your body retains massive amounts of water, I pushed my finger into the area around my "newly fattened" ankle and the resultant dent stayed there for a while. Anyway I had this too.

As a result, I now had to consult with a Physician.
I didn't even know that such a creature existed. So this specialist had to do a battery of tests to see if the liver would be able to recover. He showed us the large deposits of fat that had accumulated in my abdomen. I was also on a programme to reduce my dependency on Cortisone. It had to be done gradually. In the beginning it seemed quite easy but more about that later...

Celebration
About this time, I had the option to attend the graduation ceremony at UNISA for my honours diploma in accounting. I decided to go as a tribute to my wife Michele (without her encouragement and support l would have never passed). I wanted to give her something positive to enjoy as there was a fair amount of uncertainty as to whether or not I would survive this battle with the tumour. Now for the logistics. Due to my amplified girth, i did not have a shirt that could fit.

(getting the kit)

So we got a new shirt with much grumbling from me. I hate new clothing! Put on my suit, NO ways I could close the front of the jacket but I looked fine. I could take three people with. I decided to take the oldest two girls as they were already in Pretoria at a neighbouring full time university. So we collected the girls and went to the hall. But the parking was at least 4 or 5 fights of steps down below the Hall. The University is on the side of a long hill. Luckily for me there is a railing next to each flight of steps. So I literally pulled myself up each flight hand by hand.

(pulling myself upward)

Then I rested a bit before tackling the next flight.

(having a breather)

I was a bit embarrassed as there were many graduates and their families who were seeing my escapades but I just grimly focused on doing my own thing. My little family were fussing around me to ensure my safety. Eventually got to the top where the entrance was. There were hundreds of people, happily posing for photos with family. Very few realise the sacrifices that these people had made for their children. Now the happy event. All were dressed in their finery with fancy hairdos for the ladies. Michele beetled off to find some officials to organise a seat for me on the lower tiers in the hall. I am so glad that she did that. The graduate seating went up dozens of rows. I would have never succeeded had I been sitting up there, that's for sure! So I was sitting in the august company of those who had achieved their doctorates and were being honoured. The ceremony started and the master of ceremonies was a young black woman. She was the vice dean and the head of mathematics and economics at the university. I was impressed greatly with her qualifications. She was so refreshing with her sharp wit and lovely sense of humour. I was terribly anxious throughout the ceremony that I would not be able to ascend the 4 or 5 steps to get on the stage, especially in front of all of those people watching. I saw one young fellow who was sitting on the stage in a wheelchair, he looked almost embarrassed to be up there with all the dignitaries, poor fellow. That is why I did not regret the decision to turn down the offer of a wheelchair. The time came; it was my turn. One of the department heads of my accounting department introduced the few of us to the assembly and I had to go up; I focussed and got up the steps. I forgot to smile at first because of my determination to get on stage without embarrassing myself.

(made it)

What brought a smile to my face was a few folk who said my name as I traversed the stage.

(relaxed now)

I still chuckle when I remember this loud call from some unknown lady. "Clemmeeeeee". It will certainly seem strange to those who aren't black folk. They celebrate with such joy when a family member succeeds in getting their degree. Some chanted and some even danced in the aisles. This is why I love this country and her people! There was still dignity but differently to what most Western countries would define it as. After it was over we went to a restaurant with the girls and enjoyed some time together. Too soon it was over, dropped the girls off back at their residences and we went back home. It had been a long day but well worth it.

When I went to visit my GP the following week, he expressed concern at the massive swelling that was happening to me. He said I had a deranged liver! Sounds crazy doesn't it? This had resulted from all the high levels of medication that I was having to take; cortisone (for the tumour), stillpain (for pain), essentiale (for the liver), other stuff to protect the lining of my stomach, and of course sleeping tablets to counter insomnia that came from taking cortisone. My doctor said that the readings from my liver are equivalent to the liver of a hardened alcoholic! More medicine and more monthly blood tests would follow to track the progress of the liver and its hopeful recovery. I was also advised to see the oncologist as soon as possible, if not immediately. When I arrived at my appointment, I saw his alarm at my ballooned state. My cortisone was halved with immediate effect. It is actually ironic that medication is needed to combat the side effects of the life-saving medication. Well the due date arrived for the MRI that would see if the treatment for the tumour had resulted in its reduction or not. If there was no shrinking, then the prognosis was not good for my future. Went through the same old process of the MRI. Waited for the scans then took them to my neurosurgeon. He gave me the wonderful news that the tumour had gone! Completely. For me the combination of faith and science had given me an outcome that was remarkable.

He then said that I was not completely out of the woods yet. The aggressive treatment from the cortisone had weakened the density of my bones and several of the neck vertebrae (C5 to C7) were crumbling. I would require surgery. It was scheduled for the following month of August.

Little did I know what was in store for me!