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     5 years ago (edited)

    Hmm.. my personal take from the ceremony was that I saw something in common when having an effect.
    I don't know if this is also the case for others who have tried but in my experience among other travelers who came with, have told me the same thing which is that;

    not being able to experience anything when you "expect too much or feeling like you want to get a certain result out of it". It is understandable when people get very nervous or even excited right before drinking it and then waiting and waiting to see what will happen to them and during that time people's heart rate go up and start expecting or imagining whole lot of things. That definitely stopped the Ayahuasca from giving you the experience you need. This to me was fascinating. Even though I don't know if this has some sort of direct correlation between the substance itself and the state of mind.

    When I laid down after one-shotting almost a full cup and then after about 15 minutes (honestly the conception of time didn't even matter at all). I puked and then laid back down and closed my eyes in complete darkness. I started feeling the entire sensation not just from my own bodily functions but particularly the sensation from my surroundings started to become more and more acute. Like extremely acute. I could feel the micro-vibration of the whole parameter around the ground including where my travel buddies were laying at, even though I was laying on the hammock. I could hear the sound of my own heart beating in very great detail down to the pumping of the blood vessels but I could also sense somewhat very oddly detailed sensation of my surroundings in great detail with every 6 or even 7 senses opening up more and more. The smell of the rain air, angle of the animal(even insects) sound source afar... Everything simultaneously..

    Then I started feeling intense vibration throughout my whole body. However, I still had 100% full control of my own consciousness since my usual state of mind was still lingering in the background simultaneously observing all of this happening as a 4th person perspective. and I was feeling confident that I can snap out of the effect whenever I wanted. But I was, of course, feeling a bit nervous and started expecting too much from then on.. the effect started to fade away almost immediately then I was back to a normal state again.

    So my second try, I let go of all of my expectations and just thought of it as some really horrible tasting drink and nothing more. I laid back down again on my hammock letting myself completely go nimble and just started observing my own thoughts come and go as if it's nothing important to note.

    Then after this point when the Ayahuasca took off~ It's almost impossible to explain in words what the experience was like. To try and simply put it, for me, It was as if my awareness has its own multiverses and can simultaneously interact with each other as a different entity.

    For example, if my normal waking state consciousness to be the first layer, the second layer can view this first layer of consciousness and have its own perception while the first layer of consciousness is doing its own thing and this layer goes on to expand almost seemingly forever and they all happen at the same time but I don't feel or sense/experience it separately it just felt natural than anything ever. ( don't know how many layers I have reached but it's not anything like just simply "thinking" not even remotely close to what I could utter in words). There was definitely something more than just vision in terms of what humans can be aware of and there was something beyond imagination.

    I will simply put it as that.

    Before Ayahuasca and after Ayahuasca, whichever it is.. I don't think it is as important to continue exploring yourself and also letting go of ego. I think definitely it was an unusual experience for anyone who tries it for the first time~ but I don't expect that to be a game-changer in my own life or somehow pretend that it changed my life due to some substance I took. Like anything else, It only gives u a little boost or a "push" for an altered state of mind and the choices you make out of that experience is always up to us to decide. Bringing a new perspective I have never even come close to think about.

    Ever since then I try to look at even myself as 3rd, 4th, 5th... (on and on)perspective. Detaching myself from my own personal view. It makes life more interesting and you tend not to be drenched in the future that has never been present or dwelled in the past that you can never change. It's kind of like

    Seeing yourself as some sort of RPG game character and you are sort of having an adventure in "shared life".

    Being carefree but not careless.. child-like but not childish. Being present and appreciating everything you have without putting filters or layers on top of each experience. This definitely makes you feel liberating!

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     5 years ago 

    Thank you for your thoughts!

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