A LEPRECHAUN'S NIGHTMARE... (Comedy Open Mic Round #21)

seesladen (61)in #twentyfourhourshortstory • 6 years ago

The BEGINNING...
...

I have a storied history. Well, to be totally honest, it's not just me, it's my kind. You see, we are one of the most brave, intelligent, and... and... and... ...

...

...I know this because I do have these qualities myself, even if I do tend to show them by er... err... errr... ...

...well, you do know what I'm saying, don't you?

Anyways... What was I saying?

...
The REAL BEGINNING...
...

So I find myself in front of this little human giant. I know she's a she, and I do know that she's little. Not from experience of human giants, but from the many stories my dear late grandmother, bless her dusts, used to tell. I do not know why or how I got here, but I do know from gradma's stories that being here like this isn't good. Infact it's hell for my kind, if grandma is to be believed.

Well, as you can tell my poor big heart is about to burst wide open from the way my fluids are pumping. Fear is literally trying to eat me inside out. But then I do not despair yet, afterall I've also got years of grandma's wisdom to guide me. So I follow her guidebook...

First, I doubt that the little human giant has spotted me, so I look for the perfect place to hide. Where else than one of the cozy petals of a very beautiful flower? Of course, one that smells nice too. That part grandma always says, is non-negotiable. So I pick the nearest suitable candidate, and in I go.

Now I do not know if it's my destiny, or maybe it's just plain badluck, but this little human giant comes straight to where I'm cozy and still fidgeting, and she picks me and my hiding place up, and in we both go, into a very gigantic basket. My first thought is... why would her basket be so big? Is she planning on picking up all my kind or something?

Anyway, as important as that thought is, I shelve it. If giants chose to carry giant baskets, then it was their funeral, not mine. And mine was disturbingly more imminent. So I follow the next item in grandma's guidebook... I play dead. Maybe this time I'll end up lucky and this little human giant would just throw me off as some insect or pest soon as she notices.

But trust my luck, for soon as I start to play dead, sleep calls. You know how they say that sleep doesn't ring any bells when it calls? Well they didn't lie. I was soon involuntarily answering her call without my consent. But then it was only for a short while. I woke up to the sound of a sharp scream that drove all the calm from me, and shattered my nerves anew.

"Gosh, it's a Leprechaun!"

Now, while I do believe that I wanted so much to tell this little human giant that her screaming was totally unnecessary (afterall what was so special about seeing a leprechaun?), the fear dictated that I act accordingly. So I jumped and screamed in return.

"What! Where is it?"

Now, it was in this state of inquiry where I stood, bent a little low, apparently searching for the scary intruding object, that I realized... I was no longer in the basket, and my cozy sweet scenting flower was no longer to be found. So I turned in fury, and faced this disrespectful little human giant, my fears forgotten, my expression demanding an explanation.
It seemed that she too, had realized something, with the way she looked at me. But her next words told me that we were thinking on different mental waves.

"You do realize that you are the leprechaun, don't you?"

"Of course I am the... the..."

Wait, this little human giant in front of me was supposed to be my captor, and I her captive. How did I get here? My fear returned. I had to think fast.

"Alright, I give up. Tell me your three wishes." Grandma's guidebook's number three item.

At this she smiles, a disgustingly wide spreading of her face that made me so desperate to look away. But grandma's story-guide said never to look away when expecting a wish, so I stared at this unappealing picture, my stomach rumbling. She rubbed her hands with glee..

"I want to be the prettiest among all my friends."

Well, well, here we go. Think human, and you think vanity. Not that it's such a bad thing if it's gold you're piling, but then to be the prettiest, Ugh! But what is a leprechaun to do?

"Done."

Now she jumps up a few times. I wonder what for, since for all I know her friends consist of giant ugly basket and I. But then you never can tell with humans, such strange creatures.

"You may name your second wish now"

At this she rushes back to her former position, her large head disturbingly close to me again. Then the familiar rubbing of hands. I watch in annoyed silence.

"Hmmm... I waaant... Errrm..."

Just go ahead with it. A leprechaun ain't got all day...

Then something seems to click in her large head. I could tell by the way her eyes bulge and threaten to fall out. She spreads her face in a smile again, and I steel myself not to throw up. Then she parts her large meaty lips ever so slightly, and the most slimy large tongue I ever seen escapes out of the burrows of...

"No way I'm looking at this horror anymore! I just want to hear your wishes." I look away, turning my back in the process, genuinely exhausted. Dealing with humans can be exasperating.

For a while I don't hear a reply from her. Then I start hearing large feet shuffling away, then a sharp sound as an apparently large door is opened. I begin to think of human giants and their strange need for giant objects when I hear a strange sound, and...

"Bruno, catch!"

I turn back to find a giant human pet charging straight at me...

Now I could think my way through dealing with humans, thanks to... but grandma's stories never said anything about dealing with a charging dog. Now if I said my life flashed before my eyes, I would be downplaying the moment. It didn't only flash, it remained on replay. I screamed my lungs out and literally wet myself as I stared death straight in his very large face...

Then I woke up. It was only a nightmare.

...

Now awake, safely in my fairy abode, I should be worried about how to clean up the mess which I've made (Yes, I also wet myself in the real world). But I'm here wondering, how did I manage to sleep in a dream, while sleeping?

THE END

#SladenSpeaks

Written for @mctiller's Twenty Four Hour Short Story Contest and @comedyopenmic's Comedy Open Mic Round #21

I nominate @chinyerevivian because she has stubbornly refused to participate despite previous nomination(s), lol. And I also nominate @jodekss, he just could be good at this. Who knows with humans eh?

Lest I forget, forgive my strange beginning to the story. You know that with dreams you never really know how or when they start. I was simply trying to recreate that feel, dunno if it worked.