It's Never Too Late to Have a Happy Childhood! (Ulog No. 41)

For most of my life — and I don't just mean adult life — people have been telling me that I am too serious.

Now, I am never entirely sure what it actually means to be "too" anything, but the persistent insistences that I am very serious have not gone unnoticed.

Since I talk a lot about therapy these days, this seriousness is one of the things we have been exploring.

Northern sunset

A State of Non-Analysis

For the most part, I have avoided talking about my childhood, beyond the fact that it was weird, in many ways. I suppose I have been of the philosophy that it really *doesn't do us all that much good" to sit around and eternally analyze "what our parents DID to us," because they are — at least in my case — long dead and unable to do anything about past deeds.

So I've generally avoided analyzing that who ball of wax very much. That was then, and this is now, and all that good stuff.

It's surprising how often we humans manage to persuade ourselves that we have "dealt with" with stuff we actually haven't dealt with. It's also amazing just how much the "programming" we received during our formative years can end up creating our adult patterns... even when we totally insist that we have broken free of those old habits!

Spring Cherry Blossoms

Voicelessness... and What Thereof Follows

One of the things my childhood "taught" me — and which keeps showing up in my adult life — is the issue of "voicelessness."

This can be a very slippery fish because you manage to persuade yourself that your tendency to stay quiet at most times is simply a bi-product of your introversion.

Because — in all seriousness — most introverts don't have a lot to say.

But there's a HUGE difference between simple introversion and actual voicelessness. As an introvert... you may just not have that much to say. On the other hand, when you feel voiceless it's a feeling that whatever you have to say is of no consequence or importance, so you hold your tongue.

Veins in a leaf

No, it's NOT Shyness...

What I am describing might sound like shyness to some, but it is not.

It might also sound a bit weird that someone who's a prolific and expressive writer feels voiceless.

Oddly enough, one of the things we talked about in a recent therapy session was precisely that writing tends to offer those who feel voiceless an outlet. Even if we don't necessarily feel like what we have to say in writing is important, the written page feels less judging than a group of people.

So what does this all have to do with having "a happy childhood?"

Well, I'm actually not 100% sure, yet. But I think it has something to do with finding the freedom of expression I totally did NOT have when I was a child. And just experimenting with words and expressing them... even if it's just some silly nonsense.

As I said, it's just something I'm exploring these days... I haven't gone completely nuts! At least not any more nuts than usual!

Thanks for reading! Hope your weekend was a good one!

(Another #creativecoin creative non-fiction post)

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Created at 191006 23:45 PDT
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