ulog: just my stupid emotion

I miss writing #ulog because this is one of the tag that teaches me to learn. This is also the tag that helps me learned many things here.

One of my friend in steem terminal told me to write this kind of writing through ulog. I'm shy to tell everyone because it's just me. But as time goes by, squeezing my feelings not to explode. This time I couldn't bear it anymore. Thanks @brittandjosie for reminding about this. Thanks also to the people in the steem terminal, @thekittygirl and @wesphilbin for letting me to let it out. Now I will let it out but I think it's a bad idea writing this kind of content.

But I don't have someone to talk to, I want to be alone but I'm afraid to be alone. That's why steemit is better to write this kind of content because no one knows me here. No one knows me, will know what's my problem.

I'm a graduating student in the Philippines, just for those who doesn't know. lol
I decided to support my studies myself because my sister asked. She wanted to be home once. I understood her and still happy for her going home, despite the fact that I'm afraid. Will I finish this studies or it will be like before? I didn't ask money for her, I have small money that I saved from the previous work. But still not enough, I kept on looking for a job. I wanted a job that can finance my tuition fee that is huge amount of money.

I was always rejected because they asked TOR and I couldn't give one. I'm still student, most of the day I felt like crying. I'm afraid I can't pay it. I'm so thankful that one of my friend help me to pay it. I was so happy that I wanted to fly. At last I will now think my food but it didn't make me worry about it. But when 2 week's ago, graduation is near. The school asked for requirements and involved huge amount of money again.

The world fell down and I don't know what to do. I had a hard time finding money for it. It's fine if I will have a debt as long as I can submit that requirements. Finding money is not that easy if you don't have work. And now I almost submitted it all, they just told me that the date of submission was ended. I can't attend in graduation ceremony. Of course it hurt's, it hurt's so much that world turned darker.

I don't if this is what I truly feel when I said to myself. "It's fine, maybe that's good so I wonbe trouble of this ceremony. After all my mother is old and can't attend and also I don't want them to waste money for this kind of even." I want to smile because I thought I was hapfor it.

But everytime I realised that I can't attend, it seems that I had a poor eyesight. I couldn't see clearly what's in front of me. I don't want my family to be worried just because of this drama. I'm old enough to stop this nonsense but still I can't. And that's why I laughed hard having conversation in discord. I want to tell myself that I'm fine, yes I'm fine. Why shouldn't I, I'm almost done studying. There's no reason for this drama, it's just a ceremony after all.

By the way don't misunderstood me, just expressing my thoughts. I'm not asking or begging. I warned you in the title that it's just my stupid emotions.