Astonishment and Indifference (Ulog Day 26 + Poetry inside!)

For more than four years now, I have been intermittently into someone who is also with a chaotic mind as I do. We are in this label-less relationship which has gone on for years. At some point, we have given up the feeling but after some time, the tide goes back again.

It's honestly difficult but I try not to focus too much on it. There were even times when I tried my hardest to give up, but I just couldn't find myself winning against his strong comeback. We're both uncertain but there are times when we suddenly have that "spur of the moment" that we just have to be awfully honest to our feelings.

Confessing your feelings to someone takes a lot of courage and effort. Fearing the pain of rejection and the exciting feeling of being accepted. But honestly, instead of this crazy on and off chaotic sht that we have, I wouldn't really mind being rejected. At least by then, I could go on through life without doubts and unending confusion.

We are far apart... we haven't seen each other for the past four years. We don't talk everyday! The longest we've gone without talking is probably a month... but he'll always surprise me with things that will make my heart stupidly happy! One time, he told me to just hold on because he's almost at the peak of his dreams and that we'll someday be together again. I was like "Here goes the mixed signals again... sighs in Japanese". Other times, everything just seems so silent like the graveyard at night.





And then... as you can see on the screenshot above, I tweeted "He hasn't sent me a message for a while, then the first message he sent was this... I was like... WTF is wrong with you when I read his first message.. haha xD"

He knows me too well, I guess? He's such a bully that I just wanted to lash out at him that time. XD But what surprised me was his message after that conversation. He suddenly asked for my address. O_O Anyway, I won't be expecting anything because for sure he will go MIA again after that conversation. At most, we could talk once or twice a month. The effin' problem is when I try to forget, he comes back. WTF! hahaha~ Such a tease... mouuuuu~

Anyway, here's a poem I made this morning... It's untitled, though...

_{The picture is something he sent me on spring day... I edited it and wrote my poem on it.}