Laughter, the Best Medicine

Laugh, as often, as heartily as you can. It is good for the heart, and the mental health. I hope this selection of jokes will bring on a chuckle or two, or at least put a smile on your face. These jokes are not mine. They are taken from friends' post on Facebook, on the internet and from Laughter, Life’s Tonic

Ten Dollars Is Ten Dollars

Every year, Stumpy and his wife Martha would go to the Fair, and every year Stumpy said, “Ya know Mahtha, I’d like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane.”

And every year Martha would say, “I know Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs.... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.”

So Stumpy says, “By Jeebers Mahtha, I’m seventy-one yeahs old, if I don’t go this time I may nevah go.”

Martha replies, “Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.”

The pilot overhears them and says, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal, I’ll take you both up for a ride, if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won’t charge you, but just one word and it’s ten dollars.”

They agree and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does it one more time, still nothing. He lands. He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn’t.”

And Stumpy replies, “Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out...but ten dollahs is ten dollahs!”

Source of Jokes -
Laughter – Life’s Tonic

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The Skeleton

The orthopaedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat.

I had not considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”

The other driver leaned out of his window. “I hate to tell you, lady,” he said. “But I think it’s too late!”

Source of Jokes -
Laughter – Life’s Tonic

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At The Airport

A guy returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As he came into his bedroom about two a.m., he found his two children in bed with his wife, apparently scared by the loud storm. He resigned himself to sleeping in the guest bedroom that night.

The next day, he talked to the children, and explained that it was okay to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when he was expected home, please do not sleep with Mom that night. They said okay.

Several weeks later, after another trip, his wife and children picked him up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for his plane’s arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for arriving passengers.

As he entered the waiting area, his son saw him, and came running shouting, “Hi, Dad! I’ve got some good news! Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!”

The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at child, then turned to the father, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

Source of Jokes -
Laughter – Life’s Tonic

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Job At The Zoo

Times were tough so when a job came up at the zoo, Jon was the first one there. On arrival he was told that the gorilla had just died and he was to wear a gorilla suit and pretend to be a gorilla until another one could be found.

Jon loved his job – eating bananas, swinging from branch to branch, entertaining visitors, lying about in the sun. Then one day he swung a bit too far and ended up in the lion enclosure. He jumped to his feet when he saw two lions growling fiercely and ran to the fence and screamed for help.

Then as he turned back to face the lions, one said, “If you don't stop screaming and shouting we’ll all lose our bloody jobs!”

Source of Jokes -
Laughter – Life’s Tonic

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Bad Language

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all you sons of bitches who are returning and want to get on, get your asses on the train now, cause we are going down the tracks!”

The mother went into the living room and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may go back and play with your train, but only if you use nice language.”

Two hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.”

She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”

Then, the child added, “And for those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, see the bitch in the kitchen.”

Source of Jokes -
Laughter – Life’s Tonic

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Source of Jokes -
Laughter – Life’s Tonic

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