RE: International Women’s Day: A Reflection on Loving Women, Girls and Mary Jane ❤︎
wow just now seeing this post and having a moment to read this in its entirety! thank you so much for sharing your story!! i love the thorough way you told it with the beautiful artistic images on the side. i can totally relate to being a tomboy, all the freedom and welcome in the "boys circles" and athletics and then the awkward onset of the changing body that then sets you apart!
what a heavy experience for a young one to endure! that question of what to do when someone reveals suicide desire is one that i have grappled with too. my friend swallowed pills once in a mission to die and i didn't know what to do so i called the hospital and then she had a huge bill to pay for and was upset at me... it's def a question to grapple with, reflect on and talk about... i've also had a couple friends who "successfully" committed suicide by conscious choice... and well, so many of our lives changed after that. it's a huge decision, and one that someone should be supported in processing while they're alive. there's obviously a huge stigma and a lot of pain surrounding it (for all involved)... but ultimately i believe it's that person's choice. there is a budding suicide prevention group growing on the blockchain and i can invite you to the discord if you want!
as for separating you from your aunt during so much formation for you... that's brutal!! it's crazy to me how parents shut their kids off from positive forces in their kids lives because of stuff like this... finding self identity in gender and sexuality is tough and soooo many teens feel isolated or like they have to hide! i didn't know anyone who was not heteronormative until i got into college (went to christian high school/etc and was pretty sheltered) ... what a journey it's been!! look forward to hearing more of your journey-- thanks again for the sharing :) <3
I deeply appreciate your acknowledgement and thoughtful reply @mountainjewel. What age were you when you made the decision to call the hospital for your friend? Having to pay a hefty hospital bill adds a whole other level of upset that we don't necessarily experience here in Canada.
Isn't it wonderful that next generation has more tools, forums, spaces and information available to them? Even the discords that you mention. (Yes I would like to be a part of the discord) My experiences as a teen happened over 20 years ago, just when the internet was becoming available to us at school. There were no GSAs and if people in our town were openly queer, gay, bi, lesbian or trans, they would be bullied and ostracized. So we did have to hide and deny our truths about loving one another outside the heteronormative standard.
I know that my parents were quite young and doing their best and also that they came from a generation that fought in massive wars and somehow survived the great depression. There is a lot of fear 'of other' that still remains in our culture. I also honour that I wouldn't be the human I am today with out this past. Again thanks for your response, You've inspired me to excavate and share the next chapter of my journey. <3
we were in college. she was in the room across the hall and we were really close. it was extra complicated too because she had a huge crush on me and would write me really long letters and it was an unreturned sentiment on my behalf, but we were really good friends. i don't think her attempt was related to her feelings for me though and we've since patched things up (although lost touch over the years). yes, in the US that is a huge issue obviously -- our completely fucked up medical system and burden of care.
so so wonderful that this generation has so much more support than we did! great insightful and compassionate points too about your parents and their generation.
is this because you grew up rurally? i suppose i think of canada as generally so much more accepting and progressive than here. most rural pockets here are also incredibly heteronormative and bigoted (this is where i currently live lol and that presents its unique challenges).
i feel our parent's generation also was so focused on playing along in the cultural story for that safety too that there's a huge boundary they must cross to accept their errant children- like us :) my parents have way relaxed over the years and hey, i've even started rubbing off on them :) i so look forward to your next post! feel free to drop me a line when you post it so i don't miss it :)
here is the invite to the suicide prevention discord server. i'm not actually very active in there myself, but i will be putting out an herbal allies for anxiety support series soon and will drop it in there.
much love!