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RE: Quitting Life: Finish the Story Competition Entry
what was it? a bird representing hope? an actual flame like a fiery ghost spirit? you caught my attention. I wanted to know
what was it? a bird representing hope? an actual flame like a fiery ghost spirit? you caught my attention. I wanted to know
haha you and me both @dirge!!
Nice work @flyingkiwi; I enjoyed your writing :)
A signal from a resistance of some sort. The egg was meant to represent freedom and new beginnings. I think I need to make my ideas a little more clear to the reader, something for me to work on.
Like the metaphor. It does leave us wanting more. You could write the intro sometime.
Sorry about the late reply, been travelling. I’m glad that the metaphor worked, at least a little bit:). I would like to write the intro sometime, but I think my writing is still too rough, it’s been a long time since I did creative writing.
Just read through it again. Trying to connect the egg with the bird. Just try to extend the metaphor a bit. Talk about the egg as a new life or something. Drop in some more lines like chipping away at the inside of an egg. Then end with a new bird leaving its nest or something.
Yeah you are right, it did need a few extra lines to extend it. It’s a mistake I am making at the moment I think, not making my meaning clear enough.
You wouldn't need much in there to convey that message @flyyingkiwi; perhaps a slight reference to it near the beginning in the cafeteria would have done it 😂 Thanks for the explanation though, and it still is a great "end to the story"!
I noticed the hint of the unexpected egg ration and, in a way, connected it with the yellow flame. Perhaps, what you could have done was to better link the two elements in a way that one was reminding the other. Still, it's a great reading, with a bit further polishing could be very engaging. I also loved the description of how the landscape changed during her trip our from the city. Well done @flyyingkiwi, as always!
Sorry for the late reply, been travelling. I’m sure you understand how difficult it was for me to write about something different from fashions shows slaughters and assassinations! I do need to work on linking and explaining my ideas more clearly.
Yes my friend, you've all my understanding heheh in fact it was difficoult for me too and most probably I would have blown up everything with a bomb like in gwilberiol's story.. just as a reaction 😂. I hope the trip was great.. if you want this week I took the ship's rudder back to a better known route .. On the linking, I think that's all about putting yourself in the reader's point of view.