Why Would Your Brain Grow Overnight? How Annoying.

You woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Something had been eating at you for the last forty-eight hours. You weren’t sure just what it was, but the world seemed to have turned upside down, and it was very irritating. Why were you suddenly so smart? Why would your brain grow suddenly over night? How annoying; how infuriating. It was so irritating you just might throw a tantrum for no reason. But wait. In due time.

So there you were, snug as a bug next to your mom because you were way too pissed off at the world to sleep through the night in your own bed. The evening started out by your mom putting you in those really comfy onesie pajamas, because it was a cold night. That was thoughtful, wasn’t it? But in the spirit of grouchiness such nice gestures cannot be left alone.

You waited until your mom had tucked you in and then settled down in the other room, before you yelled at the top of your lungs: “I’m itchy!” Afterward—after several rounds of you being soothed and then shouting all over again and finally a wardrobe change—you came up with a new tactic. You waited until mom sat down again in the other room and then shouted: “I’m scared!” Just for kicks.

So you ended up snug in your mom’s bed, because you were mad at the world. Come morning, you rolled out of that bed, and wondered to the kitchen. Your cousins had visited recently and they had left behind some of that cereal with the delicious glyphosate and high fructose corn syrup that your mom doesn’t buy. This ordinarily would make you very excited, but let’s not forget—you were frustrated!

Cocoa Puffs? Yes—No! Yes—No! Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Yes…oh yes…many happy yes’s…she’s pouring the cereal, wait for it—No! And then something marvelous happened. Your mom poured both cereals in the bowl, set it on the table, and walked away. This was a possibility you have never before conceived of and secretly it made you very happy, but no sense in announcing it.

It just so happens that you are two-years-old. And that means you are cute. The chubby, big-eyed, trembling button lip sort of cute. This means, simply put, that no one stays mad at you long. That was a very convenient fact. So you walked around the house screaming “Mama!”

You found the poor woman. She was about to take a shower. You are two, so you can get away with taking a shower with her and you knew it. She looked uncertain, but reluctantly agreed. So you waited until she got undressed and then you announced that you must have your bath toys. Are they in the bathtub? She wanted to know. Hahaha! Of course not, you had no idea where those toys were!

You sent the woman scampering through the house naked in the chilly morning air to find those things. Finally she found them, she tossed them onto the floor of the shower, and then came the magic moment. You looked up at her, furrowed your brow with deep insult, and you shouted: “I don’t want to take a shower!”

Your mama was then mumbling under her breath words you generally only hear when she stubs her toe. That was a satisfactory result. Maybe, just maybe, you felt a shift in your mood. Maybe your toddler brain began to accommodate your sudden growth spurt. Maybe you would suddenly get back to your usual sweet and charming self.

Maybe.