Keep Talking

When there is trouble afoot it's talking that will get us out of it. When we are going through bad patches, that it is talking it out that will see us through. When we are optimistic and excited, it is talking that will help our partner share it.

If we aren't talking there is something wrong. If we are not talking what are we doing? Talking helps us understand, listen, share, communicate.

Lots of people assume that silence means there's a problem, something wrong. Of course, we don't need to fill all the silences but there are some pretty basic rules of etiquette when it comes to talking to each other.

1. Acknowledge that your partner has spoken to you - and no, a grunt or a sigh isn't what I mean.

2. Make some recognition every few seconds that you are still awake, alive, in the room, interested, paying attention - this may be a nod, a yes or no, a noise of encouragement (hmm, oh).

3. Be aware that talking is part of your duties as a lover / partner and you should be good at it.

4. Good talking leads to good sex - if you aren't talking you aren't flirting, holding hands, seducing. By talking we are committing the act known as foreplay.

5. Talking helps resolve problems, silence only amplifies them

6. Talking keeps you together - it's what you used to do when you first fell in love, remember?

There is obviously a time and a place for silence - but talking is healthy, productive, companionable, friendly, loving, kind and fun. Silences can be boring, unhelpful, destructive and threatening. Obviously there is quality talking and there is rabbiting on. Make sure you don't just chatter away to fill the silences with meaningless trivia. Talking has to have some purpose although gossiping is fine. Just wittering isn't. So talk sensibly now.