How I edit my own work - Plus a story to read too - 17
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15 Part 16
If you'd like to read the story in the edited format rather than comparing the 'before and after' versions, feel free to just read the left hand side version.
Images from Google (free to use) and Pixabay
I wrote this story hot on the heels of Deadlier Than The Male because I was never confident that my first book's success wasn't some sort of fluke.
Re-reading this, I'm still not convinced I didn't just get lucky with my Werewolf story.
Daughters of Le Fey has been put away and not touched, certainly not added to, for six or seven years. My mother-in-law read it (or as much of it as I've written) and she has always encouraged me to continue with it.
I've had the plot rattling around in my head for the past seven years and I know where it's going but I can't get it out of my head yet.
I'm sincerely hoping that, like Ash's story, because I'm working on it every day, it will start to get a life of its own again and I'll be able to progress.
I think, because it's set at a more gentle pace, I'm having trouble with describing the people and their actions. I'm used to action-driven storylines. I may yet have to rip it apart and start again...
It's coming! I've added to this part and you'll see it's longer than the previous version. The Muse is starting to take notice and she's coming back to me.
“No, I do not need that information from you. It is enough that you gave willingly of yourselves, thus far. This spirit will never give you sustenance again. Go now, I am satisfied.”
“May we know this spirit’s name then?” The Viles’ tone dripped with sinister intent.
“No! You may not! How dare you ask such a thing! Go from my sight!” Morgana was furious with the twin creatures and they fled, changing their forms as they went.
“Are those Demons the ones that protect Dominic?” Katherine asked.
Morgana laughed at the notion.
“No, Katherine, they are not even Demons, but Demi-demons, a lesser species and not as powerful or dangerous. They are mere parasites, feeding on his lies – he is their pantry. They feed on the negative energy that is produced when a lie is believed. As he is a proficient liar, he is perfect for them and their kind. A Vile is usually a scrawny and thin demon, always on the verge of starvation, for unless they chance upon such a prolific liar, they have to hunt and possibly compete with others for sustenance. They grow strong on the energy and will therefore fight off other such demons. Another advantage they have over others of their ilk, they are twins and have a bond between them, which is unusual in their kind. The only thing that would cause those two to fight each other is over their most prized and rare occurrence. A heart which has been broken by lies and which causes the person to die is what they strive to find. A broken heart is infrequent enough, but one that causes death is rare indeed.”
“How can they be driven off?”
“They did not want to tell you how they could be driven away because it is easily done; even a mere child can do that and even without knowing it. Unless they are indulging in conversation with you, truth hurts them; therefore uttering truth will frighten them away. They become smaller and weaker if they hear truth constantly and so they avoid it.”
“Dominic cannot see them though?”
“No, Dominic will never see them unless someone introduces them to him. They are able to disguise themselves more from a person each time they feed from him. They are vain creatures, however, and love to show themselves off in their full glory, so they cannot resist a chance of introduction, even if it meant the very person they need to feed from would see them. That is why you could not see them until I summoned them to you. They had used your lies. I meant what I said, do not lie again.”
Katherine began to protest, but Morgana stopped her.
“I know you needed to. It was necessary – this time - but if you lie, you will not see those creatures and therefore could miss a chance of detecting Dominic’s whereabouts by using them. Remember those creatures, they are well named. A Vile can take many forms; those two will not feed from you now, but others of their kind can and will. Do not lie again, my daughter, not even to Dominic. Either tell the truth or do not answer, for those Demi-demons attract larger and more dangerous Demons – which can harm you in the spirit world. Now I must go daughter.”
“One more question before you have to leave me, please. Why were you so angry with the Viles when they asked for my name?”
“It is because if they know your name, they can recognise you again. If they recognise you in later times, those malodorous and loathsome creatures will betray your presence to other spirits who would not notice you usually. They would possibly even betray you to Dominic’s Demon protectors, which would prove very dire for your future chances of evading them and defeating him. Protect yourself darling daughter. I am not always watching over you.”
Katherine nodded and embraced her mother. Morgana kissed her on each cheek, her mouth and her forehead then was gone. Katherine was left trying to grasp curtains of vapour.
“No, I do not need that information from you.” Morgana shook her head in a kind gesture.
Perhaps the kindness was taken a little too far by the twin demi-demons. They grinned as she spoke, as though they had thought of something.
“It is enough that you gave willingly of yourselves, thus far. This spirit will never give you sustenance again. Go now. I am satisfied,” Morgana said.
Katherine stepped forward. “May I ask a question of you? How do you find the spirit known as dominic?” she said.
The creatures looked at Katherine, weighing her up. They looked to Morgana who tipped her head that they should answer.
“You should know him now, as we do. Every time you encounter the spirit it becomes easier.”
The Viles looked at Morgana with an expression of guile on their twin faces. “May we know this spirit’s name then?” The Viles’ tone dripped with sinister intent, though it sounded sweet and innocent, the undertone was far from it.
“No! You may not! How dare you ask such a thing? Go from my sight!”
Morgana lost the benevolent manner, and her fury at the twin creatures manifested in her stance. The creatures held to each other for a moment and then fled, changing their forms as they went.
“Are those demons the ones that protect Dominic?” Katherine asked as she watched where they fled to.
Morgana laughed at the notion. “No, Katherine, they are not even demons, but demi-demons, a lesser species and not as powerful or dangerous. They are mere parasites, feeding on his lies – he is their pantry. They feed on the negative energy produced when a lie is believed. As he is a proficient liar, he is perfect for them and their kind.”
Morgana turned and walked away from the place they had spoken to the viles. “A Vile is almost always a scrawny and thin demon, forever on the verge of starvation, for unless they chance upon such a prolific liar, they have to hunt and possibly compete with others for sustenance. They grow strong on the energy and will have the strength fight off other such demons. Another advantage those two have over others of their ilk, they are twins and have a bond between them, which is unusual in their kind.”
The air grew fresher and sweeter and Katherine realised why Morgana had wanted to move from the place. The viles suffused the air with their malignance.
“The only thing that would cause those two to fight each other is over their most prized and rare occurrence. A heart which has been broken by lies and which causes the person to die is what they strive to find. A broken heart is infrequent enough, but one that causes death is rare indeed.”
“How can they be driven off?” Katherine asked, remembering what they didn’t want to reveal.
“They did not want to tell you how they could be driven away because it is easily done; even a mere child can do that and even without knowing it. Unless they are indulging in conversation with you, truth hurts them. Uttering truth will harm them and frighten them away. They become smaller and weaker if they hear truth constantly and so they avoid it.”
“Dominic cannot see them though?”
“No, Dominic will never see them unless someone introduces them to him, and even then, sometimes it is difficult. Someone who is determined to believe a lie at all costs will never see the creatures. Viles are able to disguise themselves more from a person each time they feed from him. They are vain creatures, however, and love to show themselves off in their full glory, so they cannot resist a chance of introduction, even if it meant the very person they need to feed from would see them. That is why you could not see them until I summoned them to you. They had used your lies to shield themselves from your sight.”
Morgana turned to Katherine and looked deep into her eyes.
“I meant what I said, do not lie again.”
Katherine drew back, ready to protest, but Morgana stopped her with a hand held up and her head shaking gently, a smile rather than a frown on her face.
“I know you needed to. It was necessary – this time - but if you lie, you will not see those creatures and therefore could miss a chance of detecting Dominic’s whereabouts by using them. Remember those creatures, they are well named. A Vile can take many forms; those two will not feed from you now, but others of their kind can and will. Do not lie again, my daughter, not even to Dominic. Either tell the truth or do not answer, for those demi-demons attract larger and more dangerous demons – which can harm you in the spirit world. Now I must go daughter.”
“One more question before you have to leave me, please. Why were you so angry with the Viles when they asked for my name?”
“It is because once they know your name, they can recognise you again. If they recognise you in later times, those malodorous and loathsome creatures will betray your presence to other spirits who would not notice you otherwise. They would possibly even betray you to Dominic’s demon protectors, which would prove dire for your future chances of evading them and defeating him. Protect yourself, my darling daughter. I am not always watching over you.”
Katherine nodded and embraced her mother. Morgana kissed her on each cheek, her mouth and her forehead then was gone. Katherine was left trying to grasp curtains of vapour.
Along with the magic of your editing, this is a really good story. Katherine is learning more, and now she might be able to find Dominica, and Elizabeth should be approaching crone stage soon, time does pass strange for Katherine. Thanks for the story.
I love this series. I want to tell you that I am impressed by your willingness to share this process with (me) us. Seeing other authors edit themselves helps me sit down and edit my own material. My material needs at least four edits to become passable, but I am inspired because there are published authors that do the same. Thank you.
You're most welcome! If you need any help, gimme a shout, I'm always happy to talk about editing :)
I will soon call on you for help. Great work and good narrative
Mind blowing!!