How I edit my own work - Plus a story to read too - 5

in #writing6 years ago (edited)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

If you'd like to read the story in the edited format rather than comparing the 'before and after' versions, feel free to just read the left hand side version.

Images from Google (free to use) and Pixabay


I wrote this story hot on the heels of Deadlier Than The Male because I was never confident that my first book's success wasn't some sort of fluke.

Re-reading this, I'm still not convinced I didn't just get lucky with my Werewolf story.

Daughters of Le Fey has been put away and not touched, certainly not added to, for six or seven years. My mother-in-law read it (or as much of it as I've written) and she has always encouraged me to continue with it.

I've had the plot rattling around in my head for the past seven years and I know where it's going but I can't get it out of my head yet.

I'm sincerely hoping that, like Ash's story, because I'm working on it every day, it will start to get a life of its own again and I'll be able to progress.

I'm not there yet, I still have some editing to go, and I'm using this editing process to refresh my memory on where the story came from and hopefully that will help in forming where it's going to go.

I think, because it's set at a more gentle pace, I'm having trouble with describing the people and their actions. I'm used to action-driven storylines. I may yet have to rip it apart and start again...


Original text

Katherine continued as she always had, she worked hard, studied with diligence, woke early and did as was expected of her in all things. She was kind and patient to the infrequent visitors and on the one occasion that Dominic welcomed a guest to their shack, she was polite and attentive to both Dominic and his guest’s needs.

Whenever Katherine had time, which was not often, she would practice her own craft - that of invoking visions. When she was young, after her mother had gone but before the accident, she had begun to notice that she could see things that perhaps others could not. It was instinct that prevented her from mentioning the phenomena to anyone, but as Dominic already knew about them, she discussed her visions with him – or the lack of progress she was experiencing.

“I used to have such clear visions, vivid images that appeared as though from nowhere. Why can I not see them as clearly now?”

“I believe that it is the constant pain in your right hand that prevents your visions. It clouds your perception and makes your concentration lapse after a very short time. Even the pain management, the techniques that I have taught you do not seem to help. You can go into a trance almost immediately but you cannot stay focussed and I believe that we must remove the source of your distraction.”

“Remove the source…” Katherine began to wonder what he meant by that and then she understood. “Oh! You mean to cut off my hand? No! You cannot!”

“I should not cut it off without your permission, Katherine, please be calm. Remember that we practice; ‘do no harm’ and it applies to all aspects of our lives. Never without your permission should I do that. Believe me.”

Katherine was horrified but allowed herself to be reassured by Dominic and after a while of thinking on what he had said, she began to see merit in his advice. She could not see herself ever being comfortable with the idea of allowing anyone – not even Dominic – to cut off her hand, however. Dominic did not mention it again, he allowed her to come to her own decision – as in all things.

Close to the end of Katherine’s studying, she brought up the subject of the removal of her hand. She was very anxious about what would happen to her once she had been separated from the pain and wondered if their religion would penalise her for not being ‘whole’.

If Dominic smiled only on infrequent occasions, she had never heard him laugh, not even once and when he did, she was surprised and delighted by the sound.

“Katherine, you do have some imagination about you. The Goddess does not practice penalty upon her followers. She is an all-forgiving deity and a slight imperfection would mean nothing to her. There is, however, one way of ensuring your peace of mind in this matter. Once I have removed your hand, we shall preserve it and keep it and you shall be buried with it when you at last pass through the veil into the next world. I promise you that much.”

That promise satisfied Katherine and she became more receptive to the suggestion of the removal of the damaged limb.

She made a decision and told Dominic.

“On the day that you deem me to have finished my studies and we become married, I shall accept your help in ridding me of this constant pain. If you promise me that I shall be buried with my hand when I eventually die, then I shall ask you to remove it for me. I put my faith in the Goddess and in you that I shall be able to once again see the visions that I had been blessed with before the pain robbed me of the ability to see and learn from them.”

Edited text

Katherine continued as she always had. She worked hard, studied with diligence, woke early and did everything expected and asked of her. Perhaps because she had known no other way of life, she worked hard in everything and complained about nothing. She did as she was told and questioned little. Katherine settled to her lot in life and accepted it as a foregone conclusion.

By her nature, she was kind and patient and any visitors received a smile and as much as she could spare. On the one occasion that Dominic welcomed a guest to their shack, she attended to both Dominic and his guest’s needs in her usual quiet and humble manner.

Whenever Katherine had time, which was not often, she practiced her own specialised craft - that of invoking visions. When she was young, after her mother had gone, but before the accident, she had been able to see things that others could not. Instinct had prevented her from mentioning the phenomena to anyone before, but as Dominic already knew about them, she discussed her visions with him – or the lack of progress she’d had.

“I used to have such clear visions, vivid images that appeared as though from nowhere. Why can I not see them now?”

“I believe it is the constant pain in your right hand that prevents your visions. It clouds your perception and your concentration lapses after a short time. Even the pain management, the techniques that I taught you do not seem to help. You can go into the trance state almost immediately but you cannot stay focussed. I believe we must remove the source of your distraction.”

“Remove the source…” Katherine wondered what he meant for a moment, before realisation kicked in and she balked. “Oh! You mean to cut off my hand? No! You cannot!” She stepped back from him as though she expected him to try to cut it off there and then. Her left hand up but not touching it, to protect it from him.

“I should not cut it off without your permission, Katherine, please be calm. Remember that we practice, ‘do no harm’ and it applies to all aspects of our lives. Never without your permission would I do that. Believe me.”

Katherine shuddered at the thought but allowed Dominic’s reassurance to worm its way in to her mind. After a while of thinking on what he had said, she began to see merit in his advice. She could not see herself ever being comfortable with the idea of allowing anyone – not even Dominic – to cut off her hand, however. Dominic did not mention it again. He allowed her to come to her own decision – as in all things.

Close to the end of Katherine’s studying, she brought up the subject of the removal of her hand. She was anxious about what would happen to her once she had been separated from the pain and wondered if their religion would penalise her for not being ‘whole’.

If Dominic smiled only on infrequent occasions, she had never heard him laugh, not once. When he did, though he laughed at something she had said, she was surprised and delighted by the sound.

“Katherine, you do have some imagination about you. The Goddess does not practice penalty upon her followers. She is an all-forgiving deity and a slight imperfection would mean nothing to her. There is, however, one way of ensuring your peace of mind in this matter. Once I have removed your hand, we shall preserve it and keep it and you shall be buried with it when you at last pass through the veil into the next world. I promise you that much.”

That promise satisfied Katherine and she became more accepting of the suggestion of the removal of the damaged limb.

She made a decision.

“On the day that you deem I have finished my studies and we become married, I shall accept your help in ridding me of this constant pain. If you promise me that I shall be buried with my hand when I eventually die, then I shall ask you to remove it for me. I put my faith in the Goddess and in you that I shall be able to once again see the visions I had been blessed with before the pain robbed me of the ability to see and learn from them.”

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how to edit a story and a story to read is a perfect combo...thanks @michelle.gent

You're welcome! It's helping me too, so I guess it's a win-win :)

what more can I say, you are a indeed a MODEL to follow up. Weldone @michelle.gent I have learn't something new here.

Thankyou for sharing @michelle.gent

Thank you. This need to me. I must learn editing.

You're welcome.

Yes, I have to admit, once I started learning how to edit, my work has improved because I see those tiny errors that can jolt the reader out of the reading headspace.

Such a story! Really well written and a pleasure to read. I love to read the "before and after", it's very interesting to observe the process! Thanks for share ^_^

Thank you. It's a little (a lot) different from my usual style and genre... maybe that's why it's giving me trouble :)

It looks like magic)))) Thanks for the story))) I will learn from you)))

Thank you for reading. I hope this is useful.

Thanks for sharing the wonderful story @ michelle-gent. Really appreciated.
I need to acquire some skills from you!

You can't have mine... get your own.

Seriously though, I do hope my tutorials can help :)

A great article, very helpful to those of us who are trying to get into writing fiction.

Thank you. I'm pleased they're useful.

That is a great comparision, are you an editor too?

Yes, I'm a freelance editor and proofreader.

beautiful painting!

Shame I didn't do the painting... I only did all that writing...

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