RE: When You've Done All You Can
I am not sure the nice guy needs to be seen as the opposite of the evil guy, if I understood your post correctly. In my experience (and I considered myself to be the nice guy for way too long) the nice guy gets what he creates, precisely because he is being nice not out of the goodness of his own heart but in order to manipulate people, to make them like him, to appeal to their preferences.
Some of the important characteristics you sorted to the evil are nothing but - I describe them as "solid", and a self-expression of what one is, with no need or interest to ask other people for permission first. Being who I am does not require your permission first, and when I imply that it does I put a burden on you that should be my own, namely to find out who I am and what this place is.
True evil goes a huge step further - it not only doesn't ask for permission, it will overstep its own boundaries into where the space of other sovereign beings' boundaries start, and continues to push regardless.
That is not being solid, it's weak in a way as it seems a strategy to evade hurt and responsibility, similar to the nice guy who always goes for the bread crumbs because of the programs running in his mind, shifting the burdens to the people around him.
If we all became more solid in our own way, actual niceness would materialize quickly that truly radiates because of its lack of alterior motives. Both "evil" and "nice" as we know them carry lots of alterior motives in them and are therefore quite similar (kind of like two sides of the same coin) and often simply a matter of perspective, not of objectively measurable behavior that furthers society's cohesion.
Your articles spark so many ideas in me every time I stumble upon one and it's been a while. Thanks kitty <3
Thank you so much for sharing this. I can understand there are many "nice guys" who manipulate for their own desires, and I have a question - is this for nefarious reasons?
Not purposefully, no - The intention is always good, but we just don't get how it turns everything bad ultimately - because we are not being real with people and therefore ourselves. It's that weird obsession with wanting to cure tension and friction before it even arises that creates resentment. And nice guys just don't see it.
My comment stems alrgely from being overly nice to women when approaching them (you could say being ULTRAPOLITE) and by that making everything turn awkward involuntarily every time (because it shows lack of self-worth and self-confidence). Took me years to figure out that "being super nice" was actually the opposite of what the women in my life wanted - no need to be an asshole or rude or anything like that (I hate being an asshole to people in general), but firmness and being determined are the masculine qualities that are required (assertion and direction) and these qualities come naturally if the conditioning wasn't in the way and we weren't all up in our heads all the time.
You tell me if you'd rather have a man in your life or a doormat.
The idea of stepping into and enjoying tension really was a lifesaver for me on an intellectual level and I highly recommend it to all the men out there who want to be nice - you CAN, just not through losing your spine. Same applies to mostly any social situation apart from dealing with the opposite sex - friends, work, success.
Brian put it rather well in this short vid:
Always a pleasure exploring my mind with ya hun, thanks!
This stems from a primitive vine...
Ancient women chose strong, virile men because their offspring would be healthy and strong. But these were the testosterone oozing ones, therefore wandered or fought as warriors so were not home much and died at a younger age.
The women of the village then chose the friendlier "nice guy" who stuck around the village to help raise the children. These men were not warriors so were around all the time.