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RE: Lost In Morgue Land - Death Is Hard (Part 2)
Nice one, very creative.
Your character's voice reads a bit unnatural, but it's clear and entertaining nonetheless.
Plus, the "just call me doctor" line gave me a heartfelt chuckle.
Overall, very nice! Keep 'em coming!
Thank you!!
Just a question, what do you mean unnatural?Is it syntax? Vocabulary?
John is a "John Doe" corpse in a morgue. The specific writing style is meant to give readers an idea of his character (a phallocrat golden boy, a cynic man who scoffs at everything and everyone).
The way he speaks, while it does convey his whole phallocratic golden boy chararacter perfectly, feels too over the top and comically perverted. I don't believe that's how people like that sound, even in their heads.
Not that I'm criticizing, mind you!
It's an issue I encounter myself when trying to write a character whose mindset I cannot understand - and the reason I can't seem to write convincing female characters.
The humor part, you've nailed! Don't worry about it, it's part of the process!
Ha! I know exactly what you mean! There are times you have such great ideas, but you miss those traits that would make your character look genuine.
Well, John is an experiment. It's like a role I'm trying to play and, being a woman, is hard to be truly convincing. And there is also the language barrier...
And being humorous is one of my goals, actually it is my first attempt in black humor.