The longest autumn,

It's almost two months since my father passed away,
it was the longest autumn of my days.

Not a day goes by I didn't think of him,
not a day goes by I didn't fight my mind to not think of him,
too much.

Because I can't carry on my days if I drown into the memories of him,

There's so much noises in this world everyday,
tried to tell you how to live,
what to do,
what to believe,
how much you should earn and accomplish,

To be honest I'm just careless of all that.

No bad news on the headline can destroy my faith of a possible happy life,
no politician lies can make me believe they'll do sxxt to lift us all up,
no amount of income will make me sacrifice my freedom or too much time,

I only believed in what I went through and witnessed.

My father didn't asked me to be anyone or anything,
but only asked me to stay safe and healthy.
I will.

My father didn't preach me to become someone important in this world,
as he is not himself but just a dedicated father who sacrificed himself so much to support his family,
I get it all.
My father was a nobody in this world,
but he is and was the world,
to me.

So I'll just use my life that he gave and provide to do good things,
to be a good and useful person is what I know what I can and should,
not only to honor him,
but also the only meaningful ways for me to say Thank You,
to my life and to my parents.

Fxxk all the bullsxxt that you have to be somebody,
you don't need to be anybody to do good in this world.
I don't.

I don't need to be anybody in this world,
but just to live, to feel, to create and to share all my inspiration and love out of Life.

I don't need noises to guide me,
I only need to listen to what my heart says to me.

Thank You Dad,
for asking nothing from me,
I will try my best to make all your love worth it.

Thank You Mom,
for worrying about my future,
I will try my best to turn that around.

Thank You Sonja...
for being healthy and happy,
I will try my best to create art that's worthy to be heard and think of.

I don't need to and I don't want to be anybody in this world,
I just want to do good with my life,
I want Freedom,
nothing else.
The freedom to understand that the happiness of my life,
is and only will be defined by myself,
and the ones who loved me since my birth.

I owed my life to God,
I owed my life to my parents,
I owed my life to myself.

I owed my life some good reasons to be here,

To be a good and useful person in this world,
is to only be a good and a useful person in this world..

I am sad but I'm calm..
I am sad, but I'm found...

These...
my longest autumn said to me...

https://www.sonjavelvet.com/single-post/2018/06/24/The-longest-autumn