Day two - Post-Disaster Fallout - breaking up short story #3
Tom Chaplin - Hold On To Our Love (Acoustic)
11pm. He's home. I finally got the crying under control by around 8pm but my stomach still feels like it's in a washing mangle. We need to talk without the tears.
He wanders in and does the things he always has, as if nothing ever changed. But it has.
He comes to me. I'm nervous. Nervous of my own mouth, my own actions and reactions.
He hugs me.
"You OK?" he enquires. He looks worried. Sounds worried. Or does he? Maybe I want him to so am adding the effects. No! He's frowning, concerned.
"I guess." I reply meekly. "We need to talk." I continued, my whole being hoping he'd agree and not just close off from me.
He nodded his agreement asking if he should sit next to me.
Once settled on the sofa together he put his arms around me and hugged me tight. 'Oh! God! No.' I said to my self. Not because I hadn't longed for that. I truly had. But because I was trying my hardest to keep tears at bay.
I pulled away, against my own need, so I could see his face.
"I understand you want some alone time. I actually get where you're coming from." I started.
He frowned.
I continued before I lost it again.
"The thing is, if you're not leaving me for her then..."
"I'm not" he interjected.
"Then why are we through? Why should it be over for always? Why can't we work something out before we make the final step?" I asked as calmly as my shaking body would allow.
He held my hand, took a breath and tears filled his eyes, those beautiful, big blue eyes. His lip quivered as he too struggled with his emotions.
"Because I don't want to hurt you." The words came out choked. This was all so stupidly, crazily sad. How the hell had we got to this place? What road did we take, or should we have taken to avoid this pit of anguish? Analysing will have to wait.
"I am hurt! Hurt beyond anything I could imagine". It came out louder than it should and I apologised.
He hugged me again and this time the tears fell. Way beyond my control, my face leaked like heavens pouring.
After saying he loved me but wasn't in love with me, and he needed time to find himself we talked into the small hours.
I became cool, in control. I knew in my heart of hearts now that it wasn't over, not yet and I was going to use every conniving, loving, heartbreaking, fighting trick I could muster to win back the treasure I'd somehow lost - his heart.
We slept in separate rooms, but not before he held me so tight I couldn't breathe. I never wanted him to let go.
Washing Mangle
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