This post resonates with me. From 98-08 I tried to drink myself to death. It's a lot harder to do than you'd think... or my liver is just a superhero. I didn't even almost start getting my shit together until I turned 30.

It's weird, I spent every second of every day for most of my life hating myself and wanting to die. I tried to off myself a few times but I couldn't even do that right. I wish I knew what changed. Maybe enough years passed that my shit childhood was far enough behind me that it didn't affect me anymore. Maybe, as I aged, my brain chemistry just settled down. Perhaps all the potions I buy off the internet to self-medicate have been working.

For whatever reason, I changed. Then, instead of running from myself I started building myself. I remember being 23 and thinking how bad I failed at life because I hadn't done anything yet and there wasn't any point in bothering because life had already passed me by.

My older brother was bummed as fuck when he turned 30, probably for the same reason. I remember thinking, "If I only make it to 60, that means I get to live the entire time I've already been here over again, except for this part I have a fully functioning brain, dick, and wallet the whole time, plus, I'm an adult so nobody can tell me shit." It still took a few more years for that to really sink in and me to start really "building." Since then I've been blown away by how shit feelings and actions are a bottomless pit, but positive shit stacks up FAST. I have 38 years behind me and I've never been more excited about the future. It's annoying looking back and thinking, "Fuck. I was awesome the whole time. I could have gotten so much done if I hadn't spent half my life kicking my own ass." But you know what, fuck it. Now every day is full of opportunity and I absolutely love being me. Life didn't pass me by, its just getting started. Most importantly, I look fucking good.