Why We Drink In The First Place #1

The reasons for drinking are multitudinous and ubiquitous. Now I've had seven months to sober up, get a qualification, then get drunk again, then sober all the way up because drinking wasn't helping, I think I'm in a position to start to lay out those reasons why people drink.

One of the main reasons people drink is because the opportunity to do so is absolutely fucking everywhere. If you can't see alcohol, you can see its image, advertised. You can't escape it, that constant reminder feeding you the subliminal expectation of drinking being liberating, being sensual, making you attractive and proving how much fun you really are.

And, you are supposed to drink. Everyone does. What's wrong with you if you don't? Alcohol is condoned, blessed, supplied, drinking it is completely normal, any negative effects are glossed over or disregarded. Despite the known health risks and massive damage done to society, to lives, booze is nonetheless a huge tax haul for a government, and there is nowhere in this ex-Christian country that it is properly controlled.

I walked into a Waitrose supermarket the other day. Waitrose, the jewel in the crown of supermarkets, owned by its staff, the very church of posh, middle-class Britain.

It was a Tuesday. As I walked in, I saw rows and rows of bottles, before I saw even a sandwich or a three-bean smoothie. I then walked along the aisles towards the alcohol section counting the rows of bottles before I had even arrived there. Eight separate islands of till-friendly, last-minute impulse-buy stacks of booze for the friendly denizens of Saint Waitrose before you even get to the Holy of Holies, the wine section.

Then at the wine section, the sacred pause. The moment of truth. The lighting is absolutely incredible, the long rippling layers of labels, the bright flashing of special offers. Now, your mental movie provides a clichéd advertising trope which has found a hook into your deep brain involving the breathless expectation of the meal and the ritual of uncorking in mediterranean light.

That's a good discount, you start thinking, a lovely drop and normally stupidly expensive. Now it's slightly cheaper, ooh can we stretch and still get a second to follow it up? No you fool, it's still stupidly expensive. This is Waitrose, the very Cathedral of the Universal Booze Emporium, the glorious supermarket we all want to shop at without worrying about anything.

Even Waitrose is no more these days than an off licence selling sea-salt and quinoa scented crisps, and pre-filled bowls of Fair Trade chocolate muesli.

So.

Why We Drink In The First Place #1 - because it's fucking everywhere.