A Love Letter to my Wife of 15 Years

15 years ago today on March 6th, 2004, I kissed my wife for the first time at the altar of marriage. We lived and worked in a dogmatic religious environment which rewarded conformity and following authority (I now view authority as a myth). Abstinence was celebrated as one of the highest of virtues so we've only truly "known" (in the Biblical sense) each other (ironically one of the leaders was caught in sexually inappropriate situations with another leader's daughter, or so the story goes). As you may know, I have a different view of religion now, and I had to reconstruct my moral framework from the ground up. You might be thinking, "How did you meet someone while working in ministry, fall in love, have kids, have a complete life transformation in your foundational thinking, and still remain together for 15 years?"

Well, partly it's the sex.

You may think I'm joking, but I'm not. Humans evolved to enjoy intimacy in order to reproduce, bond together, and get through the hard times to care for their young. More often than not, unhappy people don't have fulfilling intimacy. They literally aren't living out their very biological reason for existing.

As I'm sure you know, that's also not enough. Having a fantastic marriage takes hard work, vulnerability, unwavering honesty, selflessness, empathy, time, communication, fun, and everything we try to understand and wrap in the single word love. My wife, @corinnestokes, is an amazing woman, mother, lover, photographer, hugger, listener, friend, and partner. In many ways, we're quite opposite. Where Corinne is introverted, I'm extroverted. Where she researches and ponders internally, I think out loud. We compliment each other as a team. We push on each other to improve while (trying) to respect how different we are and how those opposite aspects of our nature draw us together. Sure we push and pull to change each other, but mostly in directions we already want to go. I want to be more present, more engaged with her and the kids, and more aware of the household chores and opportunities to participate and help. Corinne wants to be even more secure, confident, powerful, patient with the kids, and free from judgment, shame, and systems of control. She helps me eat healthy (often reminding me to eat at all as I tend to get caught up in my work), re-prioritize my time to what really matters, and give her the time, attention, and affection she deserves as a goddess.

I work hard. I provide for my family. I also know my success is due to the amazing life partner I have who cares for me, empowers me, and helps me believe in myself and the future we have together. There is no way I could have worked so hard in a full time job for four years before turning my code into a company without her continuous love and support. The freedom I enjoy now in this beautiful island paradise of Puerto Rico is because of her trust and belief in me. She didn't flinch when I told her I wanted to sell our stable business and go full-time into the unstable world of cryptocurrencies. Even during the downturn of 2018, she didn't complain or nag or even get overly worried. She knows cryptocurrency got us a paid off house and no matter where the market is today, she sees and understands my vision of the future. She also keeps me in check and far away from too much risk. Even when I make big mistakes (like melting 100 bitcoin, our entire cryptocurrency stash at the time), she's there to support and encourage me.

The rest of this post isn't really for you, the reader. It's my love letter after 15 years with the most amazing person I've ever known.

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Corinne, you are my reason. When I work hard, when I'm exhausted, when I'm pushing forward to create a world I want to live in, it's because of you and the children we've made together. I absolutely love that I can look at you bending over to brush your teeth or lean over the couch to help the kids with school and think, "DAMN! That is one fine woman!" I love that I can pause for just a moment to think about all the life we've experienced together and get a little choked up with emotion with how much you mean to me and how much I know I mean to you.

You give me confidence and security. Your desire to be with me and talk with me and know me helps shape my understanding of significance. Your wisdom wrecks me in all the right ways. You call me on my bullshit and when I think before I speak. You taught me how to ask questions, to listen intently, and to exercise empathy and compassion for those who may not understand things from the same perspective as myself. You're my cheerleader, but you don't devalue praise by giving it unearned. You respect me, even when I can't spell simple words. :)

Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for getting past my uncleaned egg pans, my emotional immaturity with phrases like "that's not valid," or my repeating patterns of not properly owning, validating, and valuing the world you work hard at every day to make this family function. I'm so very proud of you. I'm proud of the woman you are and how you will not compromise. I love how you are strong but still open to change, but on your own terms and in your own time. I love that you found a passion for photography and went for it all out. I so appreciate how you've done the same thing with healthy eating and educating our kids. I so appreciate watching you come out of your comfort zone and meet new people, build new relationships, and share more of your awesomeness with the world.

You know as well as I do that we don't really follow the common expectations of what we're "supposed" to do on special days like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. We're not that great at gift giving, but I also think we offset that shortcoming by creating a life where every day is a gift. Every day is something special and worth celebrating, regardless of where the earth is on its path around the sun.

As we start this new phase in our life of learning Spanish, living the island life, and transitioning to a work schedule of travel, advising, and more, I couldn't be more happy to be with you on this adventure. I love to see you. I love to be with you.

I love you.

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For those still reading this far, if you're curious how I proposed to (and ultimately partnered with) such an amazing woman, see Corinne's post, How @lukestokes Proposed to Me - A True Story of Romance.

Thank you, Steem community. Since June of 2016, you have been a part of my life as I think out loud, and I so appreciate you.

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Luke Stokes is a father, husband, programmer, STEEM witness, DAC launcher, and voluntaryist who wants to help create a world we all want to live in. Learn about cryptocurrency at UnderstandingBlockchainFreedom.com

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