I have a fear of not having time for others (this is already starting to manifest) and not being able to give them the same level of support that they give me. I have a fear of being put on a pedestal, people following me blindly or on the other end of the stick, making problems for me because they disagree.

The problems that have plagued societies stem from not enough willing to be leaders and show others what they would have for all. A pedestal is needed for others to see above the crowd that there are others who would be their brother/sister.

I don't know how I feel about the future of this place. I don't like the direction it is going, but I do feel the collection of great minds and hearts here is not something I want to turn away from so I am sticking it out and doing everything I can to improve the ecosystem as someone who started with absolutely nothing to my name.

Thank you. I am seeing more of those whom I look up to in my short time as leaders being discouraged and thinking of leaving. I am thankful that you are choosing to stay and sorry it has not grown as fast as you need. Please try to hold onto the idea that those of us coming behind you that share the same heart are growing slowly and the dividends you will reap later from those of us who are thankful will come. They will.