RE: Bell Curves and the Gaslighting of Genius: Part 2
This 8s a wonderful series, thanks for your sensitivity on an intense subject.
I have bipolar 2, so I can answer for you that the condition gaslights itself. The fluctuations in my energy level and affect can really interfere with social and daily functioning, but worst of all, with my own self concept.
My hypomania writes checks my depression can't cash.
Making plans is challenging because I don't know how I will feel when the day arrives. Will I be cosmic and unstoppable? Will the mania be euphoric or dysphoric? Or will I be useless, worthless, collapsed in my isolation pod / blanket fort?
Luckily with age, lots of therapy, and an understanding mate, my shifting moods have become more manageable. And I have been privileged enough to construct a lifestyle around my neural atypical ways....
What will they do if you go to the mental hospital? Chances are, they will indeed drug you and label you. The very decor of the hospital seems designed to gaslight anyone under their observation. For example, the time I was taken there I was placed in a room with insane person dental chairs, a table full of old puzzles with missing pieces, and a television behind a metal mesh playing Looney Tunes cartoons with the sound off. My assignment was to appear sane enough in that room to the minions observing me behind the two way mirrors...for 3 hours. I was forced to take an SSRI and give the doctor my mommy's phone number, although I was 24years old.
Then I got the bill. I could have flown away on a weeks vacation for that fee.
Fly away on a week's vacation instead of checking in to the place where they get paid for how crazy you can be fluffed.
I can definitely relate to needing to be fluid in my plans, I learned (though still not after years of it causing problems) to just keep my daily commitments or have to's to a bare bare minimum and know there are certain times that it's just better if I say no, and then maybe show up if I can (for social events). Also, still learning to stop fighting myself when it comes to sleep patterns and my productivity. I feel like I have a very watered down version of what you say you experience, you deserve a lot of respect for making it through to those places, the peace is hard won xox Also, my sister had said and then noted again after reading your comment the sentiment of just going on a vacation since the costs didn't make sense, and since it wasn't really medication I needed it was a respite. I always make sure to keep myself open to both sides- I know that emergencies require certain actions and long term care requires a different approach. I figured out years before it was publicly discussed that it seemed the higher adhd friends of mine and myself were sort of Autistic, and I definitely get that sensory overload thing. Its nice sometimes to at least have a name to step back and separate what is happening. To know what is causing it , even if I can't fix it completely, is so huge. That's why I give due credit to western medicine, while making sure not to give it full reign. The hospital stay you describe sounds like an absolute nightmare to me, its so strange how we still don't seem to understand mental illness enough to be more aware of all of the things you mentioned and how they would make patients feel worse. 100 years ago, maybe, there wasn't a lot of honesty in the public... but now we have so many books and personal stories I can't imagine the field is so slow to shift :(
This is totally on point. As Kurt Vonnegut's son says, "Just Like Someone Without Mental Illness Only More So."
I feel excited and optimistic about new treatment paradigms especially Somatic Experiencing Treatment, which has proven very effective for me.
Getting into nature is also critically important to keep me stabilized. Caring for the whole person is, I feel, what is missing from psychological treatment programs. Sometimes pharmaceutical intervention is warranted, I benefited from some prozac early on to derail an entire youth of depression. But it is not a cure and imo should only bridge us into more integrated health programs.
I used to teach entire classrooms of ADHD labelled middle school students. Only one seemed to dramatically improve under medication. The rest thrived when I gave them multi modal assignments. An improved natural diet and a consistent, well organized, calm environment seems imperative for people whose minds race. My ADHD students also tended to have the highest IQ s of all my "Learning Disability" resource students. I think the behavior issues stem from being bored and running mental circles around so called authority figures. I gave my most obnoxious students leadership responsibilities.
Such a great convo, thanks!