I think suffering as a mother is a good indication of being a good mother, unfortunately. I also think there is a unique hormonal bond/connection between mother and child even beyond the baby stage that makes the mother the best person to sleep next to a sick child. I'm so aware, even in sleep, of how my children are.

I think you are right about traumatic memories being seared in. I recall a lot about a car accident, but none of the mundane things that happened in that time period. That said, all that mundane love that isn't actively remembered does build a secure self - still so valuable.