Memories returned
Tonight, after 11 months away, my wife posted on Steem again. I have to admit, it isn't the kind of post I was hoping she would be coming back with and I wish I could do more for her but, I am doing the best I can already and there is very little else I can squeeze out of myself.
It is almost 4 am now and our daughter has woken up a few times. Normally I would be the one who checks on her or puts her back to sleep but, since we got her home the other day from the hospital, my wife hasn't really left her side. The joys of motherhood comes with a lot of downside so far for her. For both of us of course.
Some parents either make it look easy or, they have an easier time of it but, we can only play the hand we are dealt. M daughter is awesome and I wouldn't trade her for the world but sometimes, it is difficult not to fantasize about a slightly easier life with a few less pressures and a little space to be one of those stock image families laughing in the photo frames.
We were talking today and my wife mentioned that it is lucky our daughter won't remember this all since she is so young but, I think that she will. My earliest memory is of me having a very high fever and being rushed through the house in the middle of the night to the bath to have cool water splashed over my body while in my mothers arms. She was still wearing her nightie but was in the bath with me.
When I explained this all to her, just before I came to Finland and one of the last times I saw her alive, she didn't know how I could have known this. I was no more than one year old. Trauma has a way of setting itself deep into the bones and it is hard to ever let go of it, even if it only resides in the subconscious. Who knows what will be the trigger to bring it all out.
My daughter has gone through so much but for the most part, she knows no better than the life she has led, she doesn't know that she is missing out on hundreds of flavors of food and she thinks it is normal for a kid her age to use the words inhalator, medicine, doctor, nurse, needle, hospital and ambulance. Her memory is sharp. I don't see her forgetting this, at least, the peak events.
What I do hope she remembers though is looking over the edge of her crib through the bars and seeing her mother sleeping there on the floor or, looking back at her in the near darkness. With all the things that went on in my early life, it is that earliest memory and the look of worry on my mother's face that reminds me that at least when it mattered, she was there.
I hope my daughter will have a lot better memories to be made ahead and I hope that the weight will be lifted off my wife's chest and she will be able to share good times too. For now, I hope writing here more will allow her to process the events of the day so they don't need to take away her sleep at night.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
Remember you are not normal. Very few children remember that far back. I like your wife think the chances of her remembering this will fade away. It is amazing what mothers go through. I know there are two parents but it is normally the mother that does the hard yards.
The funny thing is that now, my memory us abnormally bad :)
I think suffering as a mother is a good indication of being a good mother, unfortunately. I also think there is a unique hormonal bond/connection between mother and child even beyond the baby stage that makes the mother the best person to sleep next to a sick child. I'm so aware, even in sleep, of how my children are.
I think you are right about traumatic memories being seared in. I recall a lot about a car accident, but none of the mundane things that happened in that time period. That said, all that mundane love that isn't actively remembered does build a secure self - still so valuable.
I think it is the mundane that ends up having the largest impacts on us as it builds the habits. The extremes are the things we remember and think have large effects but if we look at what guides our actions, it is rather boring :)
I can hardly remember any memory before I was like 5.All I could hear was stories of my twin sister and I of being sick constantly especially me I was sick almost every month till I was 15 now am 19 and strong, that why i respect my mother and every mothers in the world also, raising children is not easy so we thank them while we can
Many tend to take mother's for granted and forget the sick time, dirty times, hungry times, and many others things in life that had a mother responsible for it. Time heals many wounds and even if she remembers it will kindle a feeling of gratitude. It is good your wife is venting and getting things off her chest. It's going to be okay
My friend, I just want to say I am the father of two princesses the eldest of them before birth the doctor of prenatal control (obstetrician) informed me and my wife that the girl had a cleft lip and possibly a cleft gum, because I used chemicals to exterminate some insects at home, which ignorance did not know they could harm the unborn child, I am a Protestant Christian and was the only strength that I had, showed strength in front of my wife but only cried like a child (maybe as you do it), pray, fast, humble myself before God begging him to heal her that he had the power to heal, that in the face of medical diagnoses he had the last word, come the day of his birth on the way to the hospital my wife I asked what name we would give to our daughter and we had thought of placing her as the first name Katherine, but in my country we put two names, the second name we will place was Victoria answered him, because we knew, we had faith, that God would heal her, the internal storm between faith and doubt was present in my mind, my daughter was born, and guess what happened .....
God the healthy, he does not fail, he exists, he is the mediator between God and men, sometimes when I see children with this condition I remember what God did for my family, I know and I can feel your pain and your anger for wanting do something, that you can not do with your strength or with money, but Jesus Christ can do it.
My intention is not, nor that you vote for this, comment, or that you follow me, or that you become a Protestant Christian, is to witness and prove to you that Jesus Christ actually lives even though we can not see him.
I confess that this is the second publication that I see of you, now I will follow you so that although you do not like it I will talk to you more about my friend God.
God bless you and your family and tonight I will pray for you.
I have to agree with you that trauma and pain either gets forgotten by the conscious mind and pushed down the deepest depths of your subconscious as a way for the mind to protect itself or to be such a vivid memory that it stays with you and you remember it just like it was yesterday.
I was barely 2 years old and was having a haircut when my eldest sister was teasing me and I reached out and then I remember the sharp pain and the warmth of the blood that flowed when a piece of my ear was nicked by the barber.
I remember crying but also in shocked.
It seems I am a person who remembers more those painful moments in my life.
I think it is hardwired. when it comes to risk, a loss has twice the impact of a gain so I assume that it is the same with trauma or happy events.
Funny how us mothers are. We spend all that time getting a room prepared for a baby we never really think about getting a cot or twin bed for the room so we can lay comfortably besides during times of illness. I didn't even make to that point, I was just plain scared I moved my bed into his room waking up checking in the bassinet constantly...like you state trauma can be lodged in your subconscious, I'd found myself repeatedly saying please don't take him from me, don't take him from me, I had a ultimate fear of sudden death baby syndrome, it's amazing I made it through all that especially when I ended up going back to work and not being able to sleep well at night.
We had a rented hospital crib on wheels for the first 4 months that sat next to our bed. We have room on the floor and a pillow top mattress to lay on next to her now.
I think it is easy to let those kinds of thoughts become obsessive as they are natural to have and feel they are helping.
You two are super strong... Health and light to your young <3
I hope she won't get affected by all these and this memory of her fade away... God bless
it seems you and your family are too happy now. if you continue your impression on your wife like now you will ever happy