Your writing style reminds me of computer games. They are set at the highest emotional level, so to speak. They are like a dreamland where everything is possible and you have to face mystical figures. Fight with them or make fantastic journeys. Or fairy tales and films that are presented like immersion-controlled experiences. Your language is a mixture of computer technology and fantasy, I think it is very visual and physical. The word creations are interesting, I agree with @agmoore.
However, I have something to criticize. Please stick to a time, either in the present or in the past tense. You jump between the two and thereby disturb the reading flow. If you get the delivered beginning of the story presented in the past tense, it makes sense to continue using this tense. But in this case I would also like the present form, since you describe a lucid dream. These are often told in the present tense. One then has the feeling of being directly involved.
The curious AI at the end of your story: I had to smile, it has something deeply human;)
Is that a grammatical error or intention in the word "barrings"? Since English is not my mother tongue, I would like to know how to translate it. Or is it "bearings" after all?
Ethan jumped up from his lucid dream when the onboard A.I. turned up the voltage on his exoskeleton suit, rudely shocking him awake. "What did you learn?" it asks, not waiting for him to catch his barrings.
I love the book you mention at the end, the one by Robert Bly. It really is an excellent reading and I have to read it more often to understand it. Maybe I'll get it out of the closet again. Thank you so much for reminding me on it!
Instead of doing English homework, I was playing video games and watching movies. Rarely have I read the story for video games; I've listened more than I've read. 8-)
I'm going to research past/present so that I can avoid doing it so much. I'm getting confused somewhere and I don't know why?
Yes, slilepng is one pelbrom I've got. If I ddin't hvae slpel ccehk, yuo'd be lsot. hahaha! - Now I'm messing with you on purpose, but can you read this.
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who really enjoyed that book. You'll have to check out the other one as well.
Thanks for your constructive criticism. It's really appreciated on this end (my ego took a hit, but it'll find some other way to do what it does best 8-).
I lkie yuor hmuor baout it. :)) - LOL
I wonder what is confusing you when you mix the tenses - maybe it helps to check a written story reading it out loud to yourself in order to detect where you mixed past and present tense?
Speaking of ego: critique hurts, that is true. But I guess, as we already commented a bit back and forth from previous finishthestory contests that you got my intention without me revealing that I had a good one.
Let's see if I find time for the other book recommendation. So much to read out there.
Have a good evening :)
I did some research on tenses. I'm going to be clearer from now on, I think. haha!!!
I do have one question. What happens when one has dialogue and is reporting something that is happening or will happen? Example: "The grapes will rot," he said as he walked over to the desk. <-- This is correct, yes.
Part of the trouble I'm having is I really hated English classes the way that schooling teaches it. Truly, I'm amazed I can write at all and even more amazed people actually like, for the most part, what I put out. I need to read up on English grammar again.
On this platform, I'm gaining more confidence and, dare I say, making some good acquaintances that might later on down the road turn out to be friends. I've got to take my foot off the brake, though.
I'm here to learn. My ego needs to get out of the way. It does get in my way when I'm speaking directly with people (I can be stubborn). I really do appreciate the constructive criticism. Please, when you feel like it, you're welcome to engage that way with me.
So it is. That is correct. If you have insecurities before publishing a story, I would say, make it public on discord and ask if people have time to give you some editor advice. Why not? It's only about 500 words. If it's only grammar and nothing more it's quickly done. You can ask me personally on discord, too. When I got time on my hand I'll help you.
Laughter! I am amazed that you are amazed being able to read and write after your horrible schooling experiences.
Same counts for me and mathematics.
And I am not getting online and daring to participate in math tasks. So that is brave of you.
Yes, if my support is noticed as help, I am willing to engage with you. Ego is always a little disturber. Who is not self centered a lot of the times? But I agree with you, it's better to detach myself from the egotistic appearances. Life is way happier without it:=D
Thanks!