Hi Taraz. You are your harshest critic. Don't ride yourself. I have realized there are lots of us in the same boat. Just drifting along and not going anywhere. I vowed to myself I was taking charge and refuse to fail. I am sick and tired like you of getting somewhere and only being tossed back. I believe we are on this planet to learn lessons. God knows what we did in the last life. We must have been bad people because morally I can't do shit to anyone. I think it's time to have a balls to the wall attitude and start kicking some ass. Not Gungho but playing smart and looking after your family. Be positive and do whatever it takes.
I have to ride myself enough before the fear takes me at its leisure.
This is my point. Why learn small lessons when we can learn large? Sure, it could end in disaster but living under a bridge having learned and experienced a lot or constantly living to survive debt is pretty much the same except, the one under the bridge can walk away.
We will walk away. The difference is we will both be smiling. Hang in there. I am so confident shit will get sorted.