I am old, for a gamer.

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Mon Calamari cruisers on fire off the shoulder of Bruanii in Tie Fighter.

I watched rupees glitter in the dark near the Gates of Hyrule.

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

Time to die.

I know what you're thinking, how does a star system have a shoulder.

Also, you're thinking hey man, don't fret, you can share your remembrances with us, the unwashed filthy masses of unkempt disgusting grime and ooze.

Whoa, I say, take it easy there. Don't be so harsh on yourselves. You can't help your ignorance. Also, why so many dirt related adjectives? It's creeping me out, honestly.

Well don't fret, I plan to enlighten you all as to the glories of games of the past. To begin, I present to you the first game I remember playing: Kings Quest III

Nope. See...nope, that's a bird. Not even close.

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Let me...hold on.
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.

Still wrong, but closer.

King's Quest 3 is a nightmare of a game. It uses a text parser. There's no journal system or waypoints or any thing to tell you where to go. As this is a Sierra game you die, a lot. Famously, you have to walk up and down a mountain so many times you'll lose count, and each time it's fairly likely you will slip up and fall to your doom.

So why do I love it, and why do I suggest you play it? Well, KQIII has a few things going for it.

The plot is that a Wizard kidnapped you as a baby and raised you to be his servant. He's planning to kill you once you get to old or too smart and he isn't exactly subtle about it either. In order to survive you have to wait until he goes to sleep or leaves and use his own magic against him. But he's only gone for so long, and if you aren't back in the house with all of your ill-gotten gains stowed away then he will punish you. Suffice it to say if you are a repeat offender or your item is dangerous enough it can be pretty permanent.

Very few non-action games have this kind of time restriction, and without giving away too much, the kind of cruelty the Wizard inflicts on you and how much you come to resent him makes your eventual victory over him sweet indeed.

Adventure games in general are tightly packed. Good ones anyway. An effect of all that great content though is that they are tough to produce, and typically they leave something to be desired in length.

Nope. Not slide. No. Whistle. Slide WHISTLE. Like, "That's what SHE said." It's...forget it.

The time element in KQIII takes that dense but short design strategy and doles it out to you in slow measured packages. It means you can't just go out and do everything in one go. You have to plan your trips and watch the clock to make sure you can get back in time to put everything back the way it was. That kind of actual dramatic tension is very rare in ANY game, much less an adventure game.

It makes for a unique experience. To be honest I'd love KQIII for introducing me to gaming no matter what, but the fact is there's nothing else quite like it out there, and you should like it as much as I do.

Rapid fire stupid deaths!

Having fly's wings in your pocket when the wizard gets home!

Fall off the mountain path!

Trip on a cat!

Mess up typing ANY spell!

Fall off the mountain path!

Seriously ANY spell!

Have cat hair when the wizard gets home!

Even just mistyping ONE of the multiple steps!

Fall off the mountain path!