Hello Neighbors,

Prepare yourselves and your family for your Neighborhood news. Remember to sit your children closest to the speakers so they can pick up on the fun secret kids' news subliminally implanted in this broadcast.

First, an update on the racoon situation:

1. It appears the raccoons have mounted a full scale invasion of our Neighborhood via a hole they chewed through the titanium fence that surrounds our Utopian Paradise and shields us from the harsh realities of the outside wasteland.

2. They have created a trash can castle inside the tennis court, with mounted machine guns on the surrounding the fortifications. The tennis meet has been cancelled until this menace has been dealt with.

3. There will be a compulsory NWA draft so we can charge the fortress en masse and overrun their defenses. We have more bodies than they have bullets. As our glorious president of the Home Owners' Association hath decreed: NIMBY!

** Do not trust raccoon propaganda! **

Additionally, a few lucky Neighbors will receive BIOS flashing and be requisitioned as scientists to replace the old ones, so keep an eye on next week's winning lottery numbers to find out who wins a brand new life!

In other news: gnomes, flamingos, and other associated lawn flair seem to have gone missing. If anybody happens to see Old Man Chuck, proceed to apprehend him and drag him to the headquarters of the Neighborhood Watch Association (currently located on the North-West corner of the Dark Old Oak Grove). We are very disappointed in Old Man Chuck; very disappointed indeed.

That is all.

(Looking to move into The Hood? All are welcome! Become one of Us here: https://beta.steemit.com/created/hive-154988 Be Our Neighbor.)