An open letter to my mother on mother's day...

Dear mama,

You know I avoid physical touches when it comes to showing affection. You know when the rest of my brothers run to hug you on birthdays or on happy occasions, I stay at end of the line standing in an awkward position. You know that I don't randomly show gestures of love where on the other hand my elder brother brings you gifts every now and then. I just can't do it.

It's not that I haven't thought of showing love to you. I have. I think about it quite a lot but I am unable to muster up the courage to actually face you and hug you. But you don't get to complain do you? Aren't you the same? Didn't I get these traits in inheritance from you? Don't you also feel reluctant showing love?

People tell me I'm a carbon copy of my mom. I hear this quite a lot and even you have acknowledged it. I use silent treatment when I'm upset or angry. I don't like it when someone dictates me to do stuff that I've already decided to do. I'm an emotional furball, but aren't you the same? Do you not notice even the slightest of changes in someone's behavior and get upset due to it? Don't you feel bad when you're not given the due attention. Do you not always think about keeping your family before yourself?

I promise you mama, I'm the same. I keep thinking about the future of my younger brothers. I'm always thinking of spending money on my family even though it's been ages since I last bought myself a shirt.

Remember mama last week when you were in the kitchen cooking dinner for us and I suddenly lurked up on you from behind. You asked me what do I want and I reluctantly replied that I was about to ask you what are you cooking for dinner. I wasn't there to ask you for dinner. I had mustered up all the courage I had in my body to drag myself from the bedroom to the kitchen. I had given it atleast a 20 minute thought. I got up from my bed with only one aim in my mind and that was to hug you randomly. I stepped inside the kitchen and my legs just froze. I don't why mama but I couldn't move any forward.

I know I'm in the wrong. I know that you deserve to he cherished. You're a super human. I hardly know any person in my life who was a topper in their medical school and yet they gave up on their career to raise their family. I know mama that a lot of people would bash you for your choice but I know that deeo inside your heart you're proud of what you've raised. You've raised gentlemen and I promise you mama that we'll never let your name down.

Baba usually gets the credit, I know, but it's you who deserves 99% of the credit. Just the other day, I decided to help you in the kitchen, remember? I couldn't stay there for more than 15 minutes due to the heat of the stove. How do you do it? How do you run the house so efficiently? How do you know the exact place of everything in house?

I try to understand you, when you feel regret about your choices in life. Inside me, I want to change the world for you. I want you to live for yourself now. You've spent your entire life for us. When are you going to take out time for yourself, mama?

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Tonight, Shajee and his wife brought this cute mother's day cake for you. You always say 'there was no need of doing that' but at least it brings a smile on your face.

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Sometimes I feel I'm not a good son at all. But mama, I promise, in my capacity I do everything that I can. I wake up early in the morning and when all my brothers are waiting for you to wake up and make them breakfast, I cook my own. I try not to burden you with my work. To explore the whole world with you is still on the top of my to-do list.

I think about you a lot more than you know. I know, I can't be your favourite son. I have acknowledged that, but I want you to know that you'll always be my favorite superhero.

I cannot put into words how beautiful these'Gajray' look on your wrists but then I look at the veins in your hands and my smile disappears. You're getting old. I know you won't be here forever. I don't know how long we have together and that scares the living daylight out of me. I don't have the courage to tell you everything that I wrote here but deep in my heart, I want you to know everything without me opening my mouth..

Regards,
Your son,
Huzaifa

_{Ps: a little gift to you. I know you like to eat something sweet after dinner and I know that you have been looking forward to me moving to Germany. I don't know when is that going to happen but atleast I can bring you some German chocolates.}