Wants to wear your shoes...Not awkward at all

I heard somewhere yesterday (on the interwebs) that the Queen of England has a person whose job it is to wear her shoes and break them in prior to the Queen wearing them. I’m not sure how legit that information is because…Well, how legit is any information these days? It sounds legit though, I mean it sort of sounds like something a person of royal stature might do.

Thinking about it at first I thought it might be a little precious of old queenie to employ someone to do that although on further thought I figure why the hell not? It’s not her fault she was born into a royal family and so she may as well make the most of it right? Lord knows it can be so annoying to break in your own shoes right? Also, it provides employment for some poor sod who otherwise might not have a job. So, it’s not all bad I guess. I wonder who the official Royal shoe breaker-inner may be and what sort of qualifications they may need. The same foot size and shape to old queenie for one I’d say!

This morsel of [legit/non-legit] information made me think about what I would employ someone to do for me if I could. I don’t mean someone to mow the lawn or wash my car though, I mean on a more base level, more personally. You know, back in ye olden days royalty and nobles would employ (or force) someone to actually taste their food to ensure it was safe to eat prior to consuming it, so that’s what I’m talking about. What thing of a personal nature, a fundamental thing, would I employ someone to do? Of course it’s all speculative and “just for fun” as I don’t have the funds to employ someone to do such tasks…But if I did? Here’s a few things they'd be doing, including their actual titles:

Couch-spot readier – This person would need to have the identical body shape, height and weight as me. Their job entails pre-preparing my spot on the couch in my lounge room including warming, positioning of cushions and of course most critically, the correct shape and depth of the bum-depression.

Corn chip crumb collator - How annoying are those little crumbs of corn chips that collect in the bottom of the packet or bowl? They drop everywhere when one tries to pick them up and eat them, are too small to enjoy individually so a collection of them is required and they are a bugger to dip into the salsa. Well, that’s a thing of the past with a corn chip collator on-board! This person’s sole function is to collect these offending crumbs into a clump suitable for my consumption. Yeah I know right? Who wouldn’t want that job?!

Clothing warmer - Ever wished your clothing was nice and toasty when you get dressed on those cool winter mornings? Well, wish no longer! This person’s function is to wear all of my clothes prior to me putting them on (shoes included). When I am ready to dress they remove the item, hand it to me and BOOM, it’s warm and toasty.

I’m not royalty, at least not as far as I am aware, however if I was here’s three position’s I’d need filled. Sure, it might seem a bit lazy of me but think about the three people who would be gainfully employed because of my laziness. I mean if it’s ok for the Queen of England to have a shoe breaker-inner then why can’t I have my corn chip crumbs presented in a more edible and easy-to-consume manner?

I’m curious about what some of you may have your employees do as well, if you had the ability. Maybe you’d have a pubic-hair-picker to remove said hair from cakes of soap on your behalf or even someone to wipe that eye-booger from your eyes when you wake up in the morning? I’m sure there’s someone out there who would be happy to get paid to do that job.

As for the queen…Well, I’m sure she has many more important things to do than break in her own shoes so I’m not surprised that she has somebody else do it for her. It would be interesting to know what other tasks she delegates out however for me I’m just happy to know there’s a shoe-breaking-in industry and that it’s alive and well. Feel free to comment with your own tasks you’d like to delegate out. The crazier the better to be honest because I want a laugh! Oh, I thought I should clarify...I do not think the legs in the image belong to the queen, but I'm pretty sure the lad in the image is indeed the queen's shoe breaker-inner!

Image by dynamic77creation on Pixaby