In the recent post of @donkeypong, he claimed to have seen a sea elephant. This is possible, because they most assuredly do exist. But they are not so large as a bull elephant because elephants cannot really swim or fly, as you have suggested they can. In fact, sea elephants are smaller than a person’s hand. You can raise them in a home aquarium tank or pint glass very easily.

Feed them lots of peanuts, bananas, and small children who refuse to do their chores. Let these mini-but-mighty pachydermicthyologisms strip the aquatic acacia trees of all their bark and thorns. But be mindful of their bite because they can electric-shock you! Really, they can.

Monsieur @Donkeypong, I must congratulate you on your Photoshopping skills, which are much improved. You have superimposed the face of an elephant onto a seal or perhaps a grey stone boulder, which is a skill indeed.

You claim that elephant seals exist, but none save for you has seen one in the wild. If they ever did exist, they have gone extinct in 1910 when they were hunted for their seal oil. Several misunderstanding commenters responding to your post tried to make this point and failed, which is a distinct possibility if English is not one’s mother tongue.

Moreover, you have instilled your fake news at the core of the Internet.

National Geographic, Disney, the California Academy of Sciences, the United States Armed Forces, the New York Times, Science Magazine, YouTube, and such august institutions have all bought into your scam. They, too, feature elephant seals on their sites and claim these blubborious beasts do exist. Even they should know that seals are two-dimensionally flat, but they persist in this “seals are round” mythology just because the beasts (if they really do exist) must be covered in blubber to survive the cold ocean temperatures.

There are entire beaches and coasts of rock that are peppered with elephant seal bodies, which groan and undulate at irregular intervals. Most assuredly, these must be inflatable, furry, beach ball drones and not actual creatures that have been filmed by hundreds of thousands of unsuspecting GoPro-toting tourists. They are strong enough to steal fish from the nets of fishermen and bump unsuspecting suffers and kayakers in the ocean.

But the government will not let anyone go down to seal beaches to confirm that seals lying there are, indeed, flat or perhaps do not even exist, because they have abridged the constitutional amendment which gives all earthlings the right to shoot dart guns at furry, inflatable balloons that cry for their mamas. They call it the Marine Mammal Protection Act or some such liberal propaganda. Do you know how much money it takes to sustain such a conspiracy? Why, all of your earnings and then some more billions of dollars, just so you can go on believing their lie. Great use of money.

Even Disney has started a ride for children – children! – that features an elephant in the guise of one of your flying/diving monsters. And they claim it’s been in one of their amusement parks since 1955, but we probably can find a way to blame it on Obama. These amusement parks fund the conspiracy. Oh, the shame!

Debunking the Diving Claim

@Donkeypong, you claim these elephant seals can dive to great depths in the ocean, deeper than any other mammal except for a whale or other cetacean. It’s a claim you somehow duplicated as evidence onto multiple reputable sites all over the Internet. Sir, I hereby call you out on that spurious claim, for spurious indeed it must be.

Among the mammalians, there is no finer diver than the giraffe. This fact refutes your claim and makes it most certainly wrong. I have all the evidence to debunk you and send you back to when you struggled to make ends meet on Steemit, you impostering liar.

For no mammalian beast can top the diving prowess of an adult giraffe. Proof positive and most elegant is here in this video:

Most Fearsome Water Creature is Not the Sea Elephant, But the Loch Ness Monster, a.k.a. Loch Ness Giraffe!

https://drawception.com/game/nTXLqGEdnq/if-giraffes-could-breathe-underwater/

Yes, it’s true. @donkeypong claimed to have been in the water when an elephant seal approached him on the West Coast of the United States. Yet that was no fearsome beast, as you have not yet met the Scottish incarceration (nay, the term I seek is “incarnation”) of the dreaded giraffe.

For centuries, the Loch Ness Monster has terrorized the Fergusses and Elspeths of the Scottish Highlands. It’s no surprise they think it a giant croc that can flex into humping yoga positions, for that place lies smack dab in the middle of whisky row. In all probability, those Angusses were so pickled in single malt juices of barley they did not realize their zoo was gone.

Someone sprang the giraffes from their enclosure at the local zoo, took them down to the loch to drink, and before anyone knew it the Raffes had gone native, eating sticklebacks and pike. A few generations later, round about the time of McHaggiss XIV, these lake giraffes had evolved with the paint of a turtle and longer necks for stealing whisky from a pint glass at the harbor pub while them Fergusses and Elspeths was passed out in the heat of the midday mists under their peat moss-thatched palapas.

Only, it’s so misty and the locals be so half cut, sloshed, and bleezin drunk, they thought they was looking at the fish that got away, and not a monster. It took a tourist to snap a few organic, whole-grained images of the real Loch Ness monster. But being fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free, and very large-grained, these pictures did not do justice to the giraffe scales or eyelashes.

And hence, it has been only recently that someone has unmasked this fearsome creature as nothing but a skinny giraffe in drag.

Do not be fooled. It’s comin’ to getcha. The fearsome Loch Ness Giraffe will be the last snapshot you take with that infernal cameraphone of yours.

Finally, @Donkeypong, the Jig is Up and This is Your # ThemToo Moment

A kind bot/person with a reputation score of just One (1) replied to your aforementioned post with the best Google Translate-translated-and-retranslated-and-re-transalted-one-more-time comment he could spin. And rather than offering this new Steemian some encouragement and support for his valuable contribution, instead you showed your true colors.

What be those true colors? Not the charitable gray donkey you claim to be, but a fearsome cannibal!

Let us review how this transpired, so that SteemPoliceSquad can build a case against you. This kind respondent with a score of One (1) offered you the very kind comment on your post about elephant seals:
“I am aware of where they live and their chakras.I have also learned more about how they can cut the sartar and breathe abroad for about two hours, but it is not possible for humans to eat 10 minutes of ordinary people, and those who are superhuman 22 minutes as possible but they are almost two hours I know it and I can stop breathing.”

We do not need to unpack this quote, for you tipped your hand in your response.

You Ignored the Power of the Chakra and You Admitted to Being Able to Eat People in Less Than 10 Minutes!

And here, you have missed this young bot’s entire point, which was that “it’s not possible for humans to eat 10 minutes of ordinary people, and those who are superhuman 22 as possible but they are almost two hours…”

Get it? No, you don’t? Of course not, you dim-witted donkey. Eating ordinary people in less than 10 minutes is SIMPLE. It’s nothing to boast about, as you did. Why, even I could do that if I were a cannibal, which I most assuredly am not.

Hint: this is not a race.

The far more difficult thing is eating “ordinary people” for 10 minutes OR MORE, as proven by the 22 minutes and 2 hours evidence here presented. Can you imagine eating ordinary people for 22 minutes? For 2 hours? I shudder. No, you cannot fathom such an undertaking because eating them for that long is so disgustingly reprehensible that it requires a true undertaker.

And that was just for “ordinary people” and bots. We know you consort with extraordinary people on Steemit also. Warning to all: he is coming to eat you for supper.

And this innocent young bot spinner, responding to your loathsome post, ended his tearful plea with a resignation of fate: “But they are almost two hours I know it and can stop breathing.”

What on earth does that mean? Even Google Translate cannot write a line so bad for a comment bot.

Good heavens, man, it means he’s being pursued by someone (probably SteemPoliceSquad) just two hours behind, he knows he cannot escape, and, and…you’ve driven him to take his own life!

@Donkeypong, Sir, you are a carnivorous, cannibalistic, and selfish donkey who would not hesitate to let a bot push itself off the edge of a cliff. No green grass for you today. Tomorrow, we will hitch you to a cart and let you pull your own weight until you’ll wish you were diving in the lake with the Loch Ness Giraffe.

Word count: 1579. Haha! I made it longer than your cheap drivel!

CREDITS

Thumbnail image from Treehugger.com. Dumbo ride picture from https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/attractions/magic-kingdom/dumbo-the-flying-elephant/. Drawing of giraffe from drawception.com by Albion's Blade. Elephant seal from Flickr.com/AmitPatel. Diver from Wikipedia.com CC/fullzeit. Last picture from funnyjunk.com.