My sister passed away today, my mom and I really expected to get a call someday she'd been murdered by some pervert but she fell, hit her head, had a seizure, they called an ambulance which took her to the hospital and she went into cardiac arrest and they couldn't revive her. This year has just been compounding on the death tolls. I am finding it hard to even want to deal with her death with them all, they wouldn't take her in or come see her when she was here in what I felt was an urgent situation with her mental health and I sure would like to know who told her we were trying to find a way to have her committed. I am beginning to think it was my mom because every time I bring it up who could have done it she deflects off onto something else. In a way I am glad the last two are in prison so they can't push the responsibility off onto to me to be the last to try and help when nobody else wants to only to end up feeling so bad in the end.
Yeah it's been a rough twenty four hours emotionally. Funny how hard you take something so hard from someone who basically was a nemesis in your life, she was big into always being better, manipulating my mom into believing I never did anything right like she did...she sort of imposed a sibling rivalry thing that went beyond compare to any feelings I had towards her. I spent the biggest share of my life alone with my two kids ignored for the most part by the two of them because they were unbearable to be around. That went on until her marriage fell apart, I think that mentally was the start of her breakdowns. Stepping up to the plate to be there emotionally for her though triggered a better relationship and I watched as she struggled to put her life back together after literally throwing everything out the door and starting from scratch though she always managed to manipulate that wedge between my mom and me, just something I had to learn to overlook. She went on to buy a house in a predominately good neighborhood and raised her kids to graduation. She was hard to get along with for the most part, it was always I'll call you don't call me...literally, and she would hang up on you. Then she got that bone disease, I always contributed it to the fact she cleaned rich people's houses for a living, always having her hands in all those chemicals for years. After her two adopted kids grew up and she no longer got paid for taking care of them from the state things got financially rough as time went buy and she struggled to live what my brother would term her Ivanka Trump lifestyle as she wasn't physically able to support everything financially anymore which slowly lead to her losing everything she packed up and moved to Florida. As bad as she treated me over the years with her self imposed sibling rivalry I can't sit here and deny that behind biting the bullet and being there for her there was a bit of me inside wanting to whistle Elton Johns song I am Still Standing inside of me. Because of her don't call me I'll call you policy I usually didn't talk to her much unless my mom called here hysterical to try and do something as she mentally declined the last couple of years. So yeah it amazed even me that I managed to talk her into coming here for the time she did this summer as she wasn't one to easily admit to someone she had spent a great deal of her life disparaging that she needed help. I think overall that's the part she missed between my mom and I. I was the second oldest, I took the blunt of being the mother where my mom didn't or couldn't do it. The rescuer or savior to turn to in times of the many crisis that turned in our family. That's why when my mom and step dad got in a tragic accident years ago the hospital staff gave her dirty looks after she informed them that the relationship between them and me wasn't good and they needed to watch carefully that I didn't upset them. What ended up happening was I went into my step fathers room first, he immediately started telling do this and do that, call this person, that person, etc., putting me in charge of the crisis because that was what I was expected to do, lead everyone though the crisis my whole life. They seen how he responded to me and they were desperate to get my mom to respond so they asked me to approach her but if she responded not to tell her that her friend had died as she had already experienced to much trauma herself. As soon as I said mom her hand flew up and grabbed me, everything was okay now I was there, she'd know what to do, everything would be okay and I had to tell it was because it was more important to get her over the trauma she had just gone through. My sister was like two, three years old sleeping in a chair behind the door when protective service came and took us out of that house of prostitution when we were little, she lived most her life in foster care, though not perfect it was still better than what I had gone through having to go rescue my other siblings stranded somewhere with her while she was drunk. The system though would just offer more counseling and kept returning the kids as foster homes didn't tend to want older kids. I can't recall exactly what age she was before she finally did come home but she was in her teens. I had to save her butt from my mom as the years progressed and the system moved out of our lives. I took karate for a few years, attributed and paid for my a lady who lived upstairs from us who was like a big sister to me when I first came back to my mom, when I look back at it now I figure she had the foresight to realize I'd needed to be taught how to defend myself. I've been extremely lucky in my life, there'd always been somewhere there looking over me as I had to look over the others. Be the defensive line, the rescuer, the savior, putting your own life, thoughts, emotions aside and take care of the matter at hand. It's extremely hard in the end when you lose the battle, you are so use to protecting them all and it's even more difficult when you lose the only one who even came as close as you to surviving it all.
I got a call from my brothers old foster mom this morning. She said it was long past time to write a book. We are going to meet sometime next week, at least she said she was going to call, maybe she knows someone who can help me get started down that path. I will probably do a post on her death, I need to regain my emotions a bit first, or maybe I should do it so I don't drive my emotions back down once I get a grip. I am doing better today at keeping my mind distracted then I was yesterday. Thank you for listening to all this.
I got a call from my brothers old foster mom this morning. She said it was long past time to write a book. We are going to meet sometime next week, at least she said she was going to call, maybe she knows someone who can help me get started down that path. I will probably do a post on her death, I need to regain my emotions a bit first, or maybe I should do it so I don't drive my emotions back down once I get a grip. I am doing better today at keeping my mind distracted then I was yesterday.
I am not Flint friendly so I guess your search is not over. (lol)
My sister passed away today, my mom and I really expected to get a call someday she'd been murdered by some pervert but she fell, hit her head, had a seizure, they called an ambulance which took her to the hospital and she went into cardiac arrest and they couldn't revive her. This year has just been compounding on the death tolls. I am finding it hard to even want to deal with her death with them all, they wouldn't take her in or come see her when she was here in what I felt was an urgent situation with her mental health and I sure would like to know who told her we were trying to find a way to have her committed. I am beginning to think it was my mom because every time I bring it up who could have done it she deflects off onto something else. In a way I am glad the last two are in prison so they can't push the responsibility off onto to me to be the last to try and help when nobody else wants to only to end up feeling so bad in the end.
:( That's really sad. Wasn't she abused as well as a child or something?
Yeah it's been a rough twenty four hours emotionally. Funny how hard you take something so hard from someone who basically was a nemesis in your life, she was big into always being better, manipulating my mom into believing I never did anything right like she did...she sort of imposed a sibling rivalry thing that went beyond compare to any feelings I had towards her. I spent the biggest share of my life alone with my two kids ignored for the most part by the two of them because they were unbearable to be around. That went on until her marriage fell apart, I think that mentally was the start of her breakdowns. Stepping up to the plate to be there emotionally for her though triggered a better relationship and I watched as she struggled to put her life back together after literally throwing everything out the door and starting from scratch though she always managed to manipulate that wedge between my mom and me, just something I had to learn to overlook. She went on to buy a house in a predominately good neighborhood and raised her kids to graduation. She was hard to get along with for the most part, it was always I'll call you don't call me...literally, and she would hang up on you. Then she got that bone disease, I always contributed it to the fact she cleaned rich people's houses for a living, always having her hands in all those chemicals for years. After her two adopted kids grew up and she no longer got paid for taking care of them from the state things got financially rough as time went buy and she struggled to live what my brother would term her Ivanka Trump lifestyle as she wasn't physically able to support everything financially anymore which slowly lead to her losing everything she packed up and moved to Florida. As bad as she treated me over the years with her self imposed sibling rivalry I can't sit here and deny that behind biting the bullet and being there for her there was a bit of me inside wanting to whistle Elton Johns song I am Still Standing inside of me. Because of her don't call me I'll call you policy I usually didn't talk to her much unless my mom called here hysterical to try and do something as she mentally declined the last couple of years. So yeah it amazed even me that I managed to talk her into coming here for the time she did this summer as she wasn't one to easily admit to someone she had spent a great deal of her life disparaging that she needed help. I think overall that's the part she missed between my mom and I. I was the second oldest, I took the blunt of being the mother where my mom didn't or couldn't do it. The rescuer or savior to turn to in times of the many crisis that turned in our family. That's why when my mom and step dad got in a tragic accident years ago the hospital staff gave her dirty looks after she informed them that the relationship between them and me wasn't good and they needed to watch carefully that I didn't upset them. What ended up happening was I went into my step fathers room first, he immediately started telling do this and do that, call this person, that person, etc., putting me in charge of the crisis because that was what I was expected to do, lead everyone though the crisis my whole life. They seen how he responded to me and they were desperate to get my mom to respond so they asked me to approach her but if she responded not to tell her that her friend had died as she had already experienced to much trauma herself. As soon as I said mom her hand flew up and grabbed me, everything was okay now I was there, she'd know what to do, everything would be okay and I had to tell it was because it was more important to get her over the trauma she had just gone through. My sister was like two, three years old sleeping in a chair behind the door when protective service came and took us out of that house of prostitution when we were little, she lived most her life in foster care, though not perfect it was still better than what I had gone through having to go rescue my other siblings stranded somewhere with her while she was drunk. The system though would just offer more counseling and kept returning the kids as foster homes didn't tend to want older kids. I can't recall exactly what age she was before she finally did come home but she was in her teens. I had to save her butt from my mom as the years progressed and the system moved out of our lives. I took karate for a few years, attributed and paid for my a lady who lived upstairs from us who was like a big sister to me when I first came back to my mom, when I look back at it now I figure she had the foresight to realize I'd needed to be taught how to defend myself. I've been extremely lucky in my life, there'd always been somewhere there looking over me as I had to look over the others. Be the defensive line, the rescuer, the savior, putting your own life, thoughts, emotions aside and take care of the matter at hand. It's extremely hard in the end when you lose the battle, you are so use to protecting them all and it's even more difficult when you lose the only one who even came as close as you to surviving it all.
You could have made that into a nice blog post. I wish I could have helped out. :(
I have always joked about trying to get a sugarmomma to move in with me. lol
It's very very sad the abuse that goes on in the world though. :(
I got a call from my brothers old foster mom this morning. She said it was long past time to write a book. We are going to meet sometime next week, at least she said she was going to call, maybe she knows someone who can help me get started down that path. I will probably do a post on her death, I need to regain my emotions a bit first, or maybe I should do it so I don't drive my emotions back down once I get a grip. I am doing better today at keeping my mind distracted then I was yesterday. Thank you for listening to all this.
I got a call from my brothers old foster mom this morning. She said it was long past time to write a book. We are going to meet sometime next week, at least she said she was going to call, maybe she knows someone who can help me get started down that path. I will probably do a post on her death, I need to regain my emotions a bit first, or maybe I should do it so I don't drive my emotions back down once I get a grip. I am doing better today at keeping my mind distracted then I was yesterday.
I am not Flint friendly so I guess your search is not over. (lol)