Failure has such a negative connotation to it when it is for the most part a positive in our lives. Failure stings, frankly it sucks the big one, but failure teaches us to appreciate the positives. Without finding the bottom, we can never know the top. You and I have walked similar paths. I was less then stellar in grade and high school. Never put much effort, heck, one of my teachers in 2nd grade suggested to my mom that I might be a little deficient mentally.

Failure, strife, hardship and even guilt give us strength and prospective. As we overcome, our vision become clear and we can see past the turmoil to the heart of the problem and even the possibilities on the other side. I can see that in your writing, while you are struggling, there is a clarity that you are developing. A strength and understanding, that the past might mold us, but it does not define us. We can not change the past, we can only learn from it and let the now define us.