Pressure. III, Contributed by @Olawalium
...continued...
The last part, I talked about how the lady did her introduction, even without her consent until that day she was called home.
So, they fixed a date for the wedding and all plans were being targeted towards this. She was gradually building herself for this and putting herself in the right frame of mind, to at least enjoy the best of it.
She told me she felt no connection with this guy. She tried so hard but it wasn’t just working. She said she never kissed the guy, not until the day of the wedding. I asked her why she went along with the whole plan when she wasn’t finding any fulfillment? She said the pressure was so much and right there.
I understand that we have different abilities or capabilities and even capacities. Some are strong to weather the storm and stick to their beliefs, others are too emotional and some just fold under little pressure. They find it so hard to make up their mind when the echoes of pressure rings. I couldn’t blame her because we are different and we have different exposures and backgrounds. Her mind wasn’t strong. She has gotten to her limit and couldn’t give any extra. She was broken.
They got married and went on honeymoon. The guy resides in another city while she works in another city. She traveled home every weekend and makes enough food that lasts the guy for another week, till she comes visiting again. She got a car from work and this man literally claimed it. He said he is the man. Wow.
He also told her that he has a landed property somewhere and they should build it together. Her schedule and busy work she had to do when she visited her husband didn’t allow her to visit this landed property, but she always gives the husband half, if not more than half of her salary for this project. It was much later she got to know there was no project anywhere. She asked to visit the property one day and that was when he confessed there was no project.
She got pregnant and when the lady stopped giving money for the invisible project, he started lashing out, complaining and questioning everything she does. She gave birth to a beautiful girl and she traveled to visit her mother one day, and on getting to the house, this guy has parked all his properties and left. She got home, saw it, she just left and went back to her parent's house. It was when she now got back to my city, that I finally met with her. She came here because she got a transfer and she needed to leave all that drama back in those familiar territories.
The mother, out of guilt and regret, asked her to bring her child to stay with her, so she can concentrate on her job. I saw several messages the guy sent, to threaten her and to ask for the custody of their child. When he knew the case doesn’t favour him, since he walked out on them and there was no allegation against the wife, he resorted to begging. He sent his family members to go and beg for him so they can come together. This time, she refused and the mother just stepped back because she knew she got her into all of this.
Pressure can be a good thing and also it can be a downfall of a man too. Once we know our strength and limits, once we stand our ground, we can turn it around for our good in the end. People can only push us to the extent to which we allow them. Learning to manage situations can come in handy. Like I always say, it is not easy, but we just have to try.
Thank you for your time.
My pen doesn’t bleed, it speaks, with speed and ease.
Still me,
My tongue is like the pen of a ready writer.
Olawalium; (Love’s chemical content, in human form). Take a dose today: doctor’s order.
In short, being from a culture that arranges marriages is going to be a challenge for you if you want to break the mold and seek after freedom. You are taking a stand for something you believe in, and that sometimes comes with a price. The price for accepting what somebody else imposes on you will probably be greater, though.
You know this, but you don’t want to let others down. When it comes to the most important earthly relationship that you have, there can be no compromise. This may not be easy, and there may be repercussions, but you need to do what is right for you.
That being said, when you DO choose somebody to spend the rest of your life with, make sure you know who you are AND what you want. Don’t settle.
Yes, it comes with a price, especially when it involves matter of the heart. Thank you for this wonderful contribution.
Oh I have missed a lot here, with the part III I red, this story is very interesting. I don't know why some men are not straightforward to their wives, the man is heartless for doing that to his wife, despite the fact that the wife has a faithful heart with him. Well, somebody that has cap, has no head. The man didn't value his wife atall.
Exactly, it was obvious he was in it for the money or other selfish reasons. It was so bad that she gave her all, despite the conditions not being right, and she still got this. Thanks a lot brother.
I already knew that the story would end this bittered.
No matter who is pushing us or pressurising us, no matter how fast they want us to get things done, if we listen and end up running more than our shadow, the problem would be ours and not theirs on the long run.
Can you imagine someone who has never wished for a broken home ended up in one? Despite the fact that she was not emotionally connected to this guy, she still sacrifice to make things work.
That one aside, look at what their daughter would have to face too, just because of the mistakes she knew nothing about...
It's obvious that the mother was trying to help, but short cuts are not always short.
I wish she could get her life organized again, I pray she get over the trauma..
Thank you @olawalium and @communitycoin.
I love this:
Exactly, and yes, she tried to make things work, yet, those who have been destined to sleep on the floor, even if you give them a mattress, they will fall. That is the case of that man. The innocent girl that is now the daughter, is the most painful part; being caught up in a drama that could have been avoided. We should always think with the future in mind.
Thanks as always, brother.
Thanks bro
That's just it...
Women especially in Africa face a lot of pressure to get married. There are times I get comments from my mum about marriage. I just try and overlook it for my own peace of mind.
Sometimes, I ask myself "if marriage is a must for a woman". Can't she just decide to stay on her own without family or societal pressure?
The lady in question really tried, I won't allow any one to pressure me. If it get worse, will just go and rent "face me I slap you room".
Humans should be allowed to make their decisions and be solely responsible for it. Not forcing opinions on them.
I think some parents need to unlearn and relearn certain things about parenting.
Thanks for sharing. A lot of women out there have sad tales to tell.
Yes, some people have sad tales to tell, and sometime our parents want us to repeat their own examples which might not be applicable in this modern world. Maybe the mother got married at 25, and now forced this lady to also get married at 25, depriving her a lot,
I love that. Thanks a lot for this. Yes, please do what's best for you, especially where the matter of your heart is involved. Thanks dear.
So depressed, full of fear. When depressed only able to pause and see, want to act but afraid. The heart begins to be unable to bear all the burden. And unwittingly tears start to fall down your cheeks. Want to share stories to people but when he realized he was alone.
When depressed, and only one person will not help you, no one cares about you. Can only be buried in the heart that was not able to accommodate berbgai problem. As if this heart will explode. Fear begins to haunt you and makes you unable to think clearly and sink. Like in a cage, enclosed in cold iron bars and can not get out.
The height of tension arises and you can not face, it starts to endlessly and this pressure starts to get out of control and is like ending your life.
In our life must be depressed with the name of problems and problems. There is no end of trouble coming and when you are not ready, panic will appear and start depressed and scared. Especially if you face it alone. You are always buried and trying to handle it by yourself. But you can not and can only be quiet and silent and can not take proper action. This is what makes people crumble under pressure.
Really wonderful article and wonderful
You talk about life and lifestyle
Marriage is important to us and we must sacrifice for the success of marriage
Mother really sacrificed a lot and became the basis of everything
What sacrifice did the mother give?
I don't understand o
It's the mother that caused the whole issue self 😡
The mother actually caused this whole issue on ground. I take it that you didn't see the previous two posts before this.
Awwn
This didn't end well
Look what the mother got her into now 😔 😢
This isn't good
As you tightly said, pressure can be good and it can also be bad
For me, I don't like being pressured at all but Nigerian mother's ehn
Chai
I'm glad she refused to go back to the guy.
Now the mother has learned her lesson, she deserves some cane self 😂 🏃
Hahahahaha @cane. Even taking the girl from her mother was out of guilt because this mother already derailed the course of this lady's life. This lady has a lot on her heart and she is trying to get back to the bubbly, lively and sweet self she was. It is taking a lot of effort, but i hope she gets there.
Thanks a lot cutie for your time and comment.
In my own belive, I see it that pressure does more good than harm to us, because it not only pressurizes but it also motivates one to do the work well!!
For example . A child who is not doing well in his or her examinations and is failing in each and every exams. That person may get pressurized by his parents, by his uncle or by his teachers and friends to do well also! That person may do well and pass in his next exam., he or she may not come first in his class, but atleast he or she improves.
Pressure also help the child or any person to get encouraged.
Thank you for sharing @olawalium
It depends on how the person sees it. For the child you mentioned, it might force him or her to give up on school, thinking he or she couldn't handle it. How we view it determines how we respond to it. It is better to respond than to react.
Thanks a lot for that.
It's very pathetic, I feel so sorry for the woman. This is the result of pressure, her mind doesn't want to be with the man at initial stage, but she has to surrender because of the pressure mounting on her by the family
We should always try to express ourselves and firm on our decisions.
Thanks for this story @communitycoin and @olawalium
Yes, we should always be firm with our choices, because we have a higher stake in it than the others, who try to force us to do what we are not cool with. Thanks a lot brother.
We would always try and try but it still has a limit we can try till. U don't think there is solution for pressure cos even if we use inner peace to solve it, inner peace still got limit too
I know some people that can pressurize you till extend the inner the inner peace would get weak and be confused just like that lady
I pity her, but the bad man didn't deserve him. She need to move on with her life and not with that damn man
Moving on will take a while for her, because i know this just by being close to her, but it is not impossible. The man broke her, but she is still fighting because she is strong. She is doing that for her daughter.
Thanks a lot brother.
That's the only person she can do that for
At least, her baby is enough motivation to keep pushing ahead.