Seeing Myself in Others

It has been 2 days of a continuous power outage and it's really disrupting my work now. The power company is trying to fix the lines or something. There's one thing that the locals here are really famous for, it's fixing something just when it's inconvenient. For some reason, they prefer to suffer more. For example, they will fix the muddy road during rainy season just when they realize that it's really causing traffic and interruption. Just the same, the power company guys will only think about upgrading the lines after a heavy storm, just when they realize that it's not stable enough. This is what they proudly call "being a local". It's the same old hopeless resignation to "it is what it is" mentality without the ability to think forward.

I am not trying to be such an entitled person because I'm not the only one suffering here. The problem is that people don't have the courage enough to make some change or to demand change. Sometimes I cannot really blame the outsiders when they whine about the inconvenience. It's the bitter reality in this part of the world. You can't bear it, you leave. I feel like it should not offend me if some people just totally got fed up and start voicing out their feelings. However, someone recently posted on a Facebook group how a white tourist was misbehaving on the beach and started calling the locals lazy people and all other names. The guy is probably that typical ignorant, insensitive, and totally an A you might encounter once in a while in your life. He was downright rude and should not have behaved like that in front of people. He was probably drunk or high to have that courage. Then the whole tribe on Facebook group started threatening the guy on the comments like bury him somewhere or send him back to where he came from using a boat made of plastic bottles and all sorts of creative things to throw away a foreigner who does not deserve to be here. I think they are becoming worse than the perpetrator.

There's one thing I really like about living in other countries, it's not feeling like the third wheel in everything. I can deal with the shit of other countries I have nothing to do with and what others have to say. Although it seems that wherever I go, the entitlement issues of travelers can be exhausting just the same, like why even travel? Just find happiness where you are. On the other hand, I'm also having a deep self-check because I know for sure that the worst entitled travelers in this town are the ones from the city, the uppity locals themselves. They are fairly demanding, worse than my cat. They complain about every single thing. However, I'm also trying to see myself in the mirror if I'm being a whiny brat myself. I think I am too. It is hard sometimes when someone is not making me feel aware.

I feel like I'm caught in between. I understand the shit around here yet I don't tolerate this entitled behavior. I know that wherever I go, it will be the same shit. It's the neverending us vs. them. Me vs. others. I will be the same. It does not make sense to find a perfect place in this world and I think it's just a matter of changing my perspective. I try not to think too much about other things or other people because it's adding up to my stress and anxiety, especially now that I'm trying to launch my business. Everything seems to worry me too much. My distrust with people is taking away my confidence to do things. As I become aware of other people's shit, I'm becoming more aware of my own. I stare at the sea and it stares right back at me.