At first I thought you were joking about the nudes because you troll so much. Hey brother I hear you on many levels man... I lost my brother to suicide while I was involved in a relationship a few years back that almost destroyed me. I tried to find answers in the bottom of a bottle but it never solved anything. I eventually started making the decision to work on myself. I started to meditate/pray everyday and focus on things that made me happy, started really pushing myself little by little more outside my comfort zone. I would take trips and do things I was interested in even if no one else was. I started getting stronger and gaining more confidence in myself. I left a job to start a brand new career, tried stand up for the first time, began reading a ton, and taking steps to work on my goals by writing them down and posting them in front of me. This is still ongoing with me building the trailer and selling my house to start this new journey of my life. I am starting to love the person I am, where I don't know if I ever really loved who I was before. When you hit bottom you can choose to dig that hole deeper or....stop digging. I think you're on a great start man. Talking to others and finding 1 good positive friend you can be around, and then find more helped me so much. If you ever need to talk brother please reach out to me anytime.