Two Little Birds & The Importance Of Forgiveness
I woke up this morning and saw I had a text message consisting of a picture followed by two words. The picture was of my grandparents shortly before my grandfather got sick and died. About 20 years ago. Underneath the picture were the words, "Together again." This was my dad's way of telling me my grandmother had passed away at about 12:30 this morning. She lived a very long life and her body began failing her more and more over the last couple of years. So, her death wasn't really a shock and was expected sometime this week. Still, I was devastated by that text message.
By the lake near me, there is a flower garden with a brick pathway and lots of benches to sit on. Each bench and many of the bricks are dedicated to loved ones who have passed on. It's quiet there. It's peaceful. It's one of my favorite places to go when I want to think.
Today, I chose a bench that gave me a nice view of the lake, but also had bushes on either side. I was looking for some privacy. Yeah, I didn't want anybody to see me crying. I thought about my grandparents. I cried. I talked to my grandma. I cried some more. Of course, I'm not going to share what I said. Except for one part because it's relevant to this story.
As I said, my grandmother's passing wasn't a complete surprise. However, the feeling was that she had about a week left. You see, I was planning on visiting her today. To hug her and tell her I loved her one last time. To say goodbye. But I didn't get that chance. I was(am) racked with guilt. Why didn't I visit her yesterday? I told her I was sorry. I asked her to forgive me. For about an hour, I sat on that bench.
On the way out I decided to walk through the garden. As I was about to pass under a tree, two blackbirds flew into it. A male and a female. The male landed on the right side of the tree and the female on the left. The male sang. The female replied. The male sang again. The female replied. Back and forth they went. I just stood there and watched them for a couple of minutes. They never stopped singing to each other. Or were they singing to me? I could still hear them as I continued to walk on the brick path. Suddenly, I stopped when one brick caught my eye.
Matthew 6:15
Forgiveness matters. Was this message for me? I don't really believe in coincidences. Plus, there are a lot of verses in the bible about forgiveness. Why Matthew? My brother's name happens to be Matthew. I get the feeling, if there were a book of Christopher, the brick would have referenced that.
My grandmother was not the type of person to hold a grudge or be angry at someone. I've come to realize that it wasn't really her forgiveness I was asking for. It was my own. Sometimes forgiving ourselves is the hardest thing to do.
Thank you for reading this. It wasn't easy to write.
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I wish I could give you a hug, Omra. You've my heart and my condolences for your grandmother's passing. May she rest peacefully now.
There's a universe of hurt in each breath when our feelings of guilt come in. Forgiving ourselves is the most difficult thing but I hope that you will. None of us know what each day will bring and in this life we can only do the best that we can. Knowing you, I've no doubt that your grandmother knows how much you love her. I've no doubt that you showed her through the years.
That you were shown the birds, so fitting for you, and the brick when you truly needed it was a blessed message. Let the burden fall away.
You've my support and I'm here for you, should you wish.
😊 Yes, it would have to be birds. Wouldn't it?
Aw, I am so sorry to hear of your loss Omra. Hugs! I know that you know what I am about to tell you. The birds were your grandparents and they were talking to you, telling you how happy they both were to be together again. And they wanted you to be happy as well, as there was nothing for you to feel guilty about. Your grandmother knows you loved her. So do as she wishes, celebrate her life. I can see her looking down at you with a big smile.
Sending you much love and many Hugs! Omra!
😊 Thank you.
I imagine it wasn't easy to write, but worth the read. United again?
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Thank you so much. It brings a smile to my face to think of her back with my grandfather.
I understand what you are saying. Many years ago, my grandmother died quite unexpectedly. All of my siblings were in town and planning to visit her at once and surprise her. I was actually in town for a couple of days before she died and opted not to go visit her by myself, partly because she was usually very crabby. And then she suddenly died before we got to all show up at once. I struggled with guilt about that for many years. You're right; we need to forgive ourselves.
Thank you for the comment. We really do need to forgive ourselves. And, I wish I had the answer to deal with it other than the passing of time. Such is human nature, I guess. And I know my grandmother wouldn't want me to be upset. I found out today that she doesn't want anyone wearing black to her funeral. She wants it to be a time of celebration, not of mourning. That's the kind of person she was.
I still go through my head at what I could have done differently when my Dad passed away. Yes, I feel guilty still but I have come to terms with it. I did the best I could at the time. He knows that. I needed to realize that too. except that I didn't do anything out of meanness for not seeing him when he passed away.
Easier said than done though....... So I wear his wedding band every day and he is with me always in my heart and soul never to be forgotten.
Many HUGS to you!!!
Yeah, this "living guilt" seems to be more common than I previously thought. That's so awesome that you honor your dad like that.
Hugs to you, too!
My condolences on your loss. How nice to see the 2 birds at such a sorrowful time. It's something that will always give comfort whenever you revisit the memory.
Thank you! I definitely feel better now. Visiting that special place definitely helped.
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