Wired For Danger

“An over-indulgence of anything, even something as pure as water, can intoxicate.”

You don’t have the luxury of choosing what’s in your DNA. Gotta make the best out of the cards you’ve been dealt. Ever since I made my first appearance into this world, I’ve gained the label of the angel kid. The kid who was as shy as you could get. The kid who’d never in a million years dare break a rule. I was a goody two shoes. Or so I thought.

My teenage years sucked all the sanity out of me. The demons inside me made their presence known. And ever since that time, my previous seemingly anti-trouble life just took another turn. I’m not sure if trouble found me or if I’m the one who sought him first. All I know is that we hit it off fucking quickly.

For the first time in my life, I felt like I was truly alive. When you go through life carrying so much sadness and pain inside you and suddenly, you’re offered an escape from that madness, it’s hard not to take it. Look. I haven’t yet met someone who’d turn down one good shot of dopamine.

We’re suckers for blissful inducing chemicals. That’s why food, drugs, sex, shopping and porn, only to name a few, are addicting. Because they touch the weak spots of our brains. (Pun fucking intended).
But you know what they say. When things seem to good to be true, you better not fall for it. Because heck, when you least expect it, the ugly fucking truth will take you by surprise. By then, who knows, you may be already headed south anyway. You can’t simply back off after signing a contract. Even worse when you gave your soul away as a result of that promise.

The ugly, sad and depressing truth is that not even your own mind has your best interest at heart. That’s why habits are so hard to break. They become a part of you. They change the way your mind operates. And like toxic exes who can’t part ways even though they’re killing each other alive, you can’t find what it takes to leave behind those profoundly embedded destructive habits.

It’s not about you anymore. It’s about the selfish desires of your own mind. Even if it robs you of your sanity. Of your health. Of your life. Your mind will say yes to it any given day.

That’s the power of conditioning. It becomes automatic. It’s easy to install fuckedpness into your own mind. The hard part is to get it out of ya when you feel like you’ve had enough.
Good luck with that. Salivate all you want, Pavlov ain’t gonna come rescue and take your thirst for danger away.

That’s when you find yourself on the court with your opponent looking at you with bloody eyes. It’s your inner demon coming back to the surface. If you wanna make it out alive of this combat, you need to trust yourself. Fight with your heart, not with your mind. Appear weak when you’re strong, and strong when you’re weak, as Sun Tzu would say.

That fight is you v.s you. It’s your pain v.s your way of escaping it. It’s going to get real rough that’s for sure. But man. Once you face reality as it is, you give reality the chance to welcome you as you are.