I Thought It Would Never Happen To Me.... My Personal Horror Story
I have been a Steemian for about six months now, and I am really glad that I joined. It has been six very inspiring months, reading posts almost every day.
One thing that I have noticed is that a very big percentage of the posts are happy posts, peolpe are blogging about their travels, how much money they can make and so on.... Everybody seems to be living happy lives, making a lot of money and everything is so positive.....
...And then, sometimes reality strikes back... Just like it just did for me...
My wife and I are getting a divorce... I really thought that this would NEVER happen to me!!
We have been married for 8 years now, and we have a fantastic son aged 6! The last year in our marriage thing just got worse and worse, it was very difficult for us to agree on anything, and about 5 months ago I decided that we needed some time apart, just to figure things out. At this point I was pretty sure that this would do the trick for us, that our love for each other was so strong that this would fix us... So I got myself an apartment, and moved out.
That was my first mistake!
During the last year, and especially during the months we were apart I have been working my ass off...just to make money to support two households, trying to make sure that the time apart wouldn't chrash our financial situation... I completely forgot to take the time to think, take the time to try and work out our issues.
In the beginning, my wife called me daily, begging me to come back...but I was so focused on the fact that I truely believed that this was the right thing for us to do...
That was my second big mistake!!
I didn't take the time to listen to what my wife was trying to tell me..And time just passed..
I see my son every second weekend, he comes to my place... Now he seems allright with the fact that I have moved out, but it has been very hard for him...he simply just doesn't understand what is going on...
Both my wife and I have been very focused on making this as easy for our son as possible, trying to affect him as little as possible...This is a very difficult task!
Like I mentioned earlier, time just passed, and instead of making us better, it just took us further away from each other.. It was a big mistake to think that time would heal everything... So recently we filed for divorce...
It has been very hard for me to realize that she is gone, and what we had together is gone...my perfect family is gone...and where does that leave me?
Even though spring is blooming, and the sun is shining outside my windows right now, every day seems like a rainy day for me...I'm really hurting, and I'm trying my best to get my act together...It's very tough!
Saying these words to myself everyday...
Please give me the peace to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to see the difference..
Of course this is just a fraction of what has really happened in my life the last year or so... Just writing this post to remind you, fellow Steemians to work hard for your love...Don't make the mistake of thinking that you can solve the problems with your partner by moving away...Give it all you got, and STAY with him/her for as long time as possible...
Problems aren't solved at a distance... You need to fight TOGETHER!
I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I know that I'm going to get there in time...but still..It's very hard!
The sun always shine over the clouds!
This is really bad, I learnt from your story a lot. But I believe something you guys can't still make it if you want to, I believe she feels the same way you feel.
Thank you for your support! Well, you can never say never, but I guess that it has been too long time..that's how I feel right now at least.
I'm very sad to read your post. Unfortunately, sometimes pride makes us lose the best things and the best of our lives. Occasionally, it is deliberately hasty to ruin many of the important things of human life. It must be accepted that marriage means subscribing to two human beings with fears, tastes, and different cultures together. It must be admitted that you must sometimes be overwhelmed by many problems and disagreements. Common life means forgiveness
Thanks for your kind reply..And maybe you are right a some points...maybe there could be some pride involved in this..haven't really thought about it that way..It's a very good point!
I am really sorry for what you are going through. We can always look in hindsight at our mistakes. As someone who has experience divorced parents in the brutalist of ways. It is never easy on the child. To me now. Family and working things out is everything. I fell in love with my wife years ago. And she fell in love with me. Whenever we fight we remember why we fell in love. We say we are sorry and we learn to forgive. Things are always going to be tough. But as long as you are both willing to work on it. As long as you can remember why you fell in love. You both can save it. But you both have to be willing to save it. I am so sorry for what you are going through and what your wife is going through. Be honest with yourselves. Even in divorce things find a why of working themselves out. I wish you well on that journey.
Thank you very much for a well written reply. I agree with you in almost everything you write...sadly people tend to forget why they fell in love in the first place, when things have been going wrong during a longer period. But everybody should always renember that!
Right now my main focus is with my son...trying to make this phase in his life as easy and less painful as possible..It's hard work!
Very sad story, but the end I leave a good teaching, I think it's excellent that you share so that others do not fall into the typical phrase that time solves everything, well no. Everything is solved by being together and focusing on the best for both.
Thank you for the kind words! The key words are stick together for as long as possible, and fight together!
I'm 21 years into the same relationship scenario as you. IWe started dating the first week of our college year--I was 18 (he was 19). This year I am 43-years-young, mothering our 13-year-old son.
So yes, this has been going on for TWENTY-ONE years, which means this is still ongoing, not over. No we're not together, we don't even live in the same state (1 hour 30 minutes apart).
In some cases, the bond is unbreakable. It is possible that you'll both look-up, as the years pass and you grow comfortable and at peace in the "break-up," and find that your relationship and bond has not changed--despite everything, despite your lowest moments.
Marriage doesn't bind people, time, respect, patience, and passion does. I feel sorry for any woman who dates him, she'll always be second-best, and 21 years has proven that.
Again, this happens for some people, not all. Years may need to pass before you know for sure. Time tells.
So be good to each other, so you have minimal regret and embarrassment about your actions during your "break-up" when (or if) 5 years from now you decide to stay together one way or another.
I love this man more than I ever have, each year I love him more and more--but don't tell him I said so ;-). Life has failed at trying to tear us apart. He is my soulmate. And nothing can change that, but I often wish something would come along and change it; hell, I've tried everything I could think of to change it. None of it worked.
Thank you very much for taking the time to tell mere your story! The thing with the unbreakable bond, that you mention, makes me realize that this is excactly how our situation is..We hold on to each other, still giving each other hopes sometimes...Neither of us are able to completely let go..
No matter what, she will always mean the world to me...nothing is ever going to change that!
I'm really sorry to hear that this happened to you. Hopefully things turn out for the better, yeah?
Well, things are beginning to look brighter...but there is still ups and downs... A lot of things to consider
Really sorry to hear this @vintherinvest. You aren’t alone though, I am going through something similar. My boyfriend an I have been together for about 8 years as well and I really feel like I need to move out, get some space, clear my head and get away from a relationship that I believe has become toxic. We just aren’t good together. I was kind of hoping some time apart would give us a chance to re-kindle, but it sound like it would probably just move us further apart. I just don’t think we can move forward together though, so it might be our only option. Good luck, at least you still have the love of your child.
Thank you for your kind words! I only wanted people to stay and fight for as long as possible, not stay at every cost, make sure that every option is used. I should have thought about it more...I'm not saying that it would have changed anything, who knows..That is one of my big regrets!
Yes, I still have the love of my son, and the good thing about all this, is that I learned how thankful I am about that...
Hi vintherinvest,
It is nice to read some real life stories on here, and I do mean that in the best possible way.
I imagine that this wasn't easy to write. These things often come as a wake up call that suddenly shows what our priorities really are. But as the cliché would have it: "you only realize what you have until it is gone"
I just hope you've told her everything you wrote here, and whatever the future brings for you, I'm sure it will get better. Stay strong
Thank you for your kind words! I told her everything that I wrote here. No, it wasn't easy to write at all, but then again, it's like some kind of therapy just to get it out.
I can imagine that is is, if you ever need someone to listen I'm sure you can rely on this bunch of crypto strangers ;), anyway hang in there, like I said, it will get better, bit by bit
Thanks! I'll remember that👍 But for now I got it off my chest🙂
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