On power and happiness
About 4 years ago I had a profound experience .
I was on a detox month in Thailand. At the same time I was fasting for a week, I was taking every New Age workshop going.
It really began to affect me. The jungle and the sea, awareness of nature, of natural rhythms of life. Magic started to happen.
For all the mysteries of life and God, the definition of God that I have is at peace with me. I'm Jewish so of course impacted. The Jewish God is definably unknowable and unfathomable. An infinitely large force. Greater than the greatest thing that can ever be imagined. All else is allegory.
At this time, because of the detox,I would literally feel every day, different parts of my body open up, and with that, more freedom and more movement and greater flows of energy. As each day progressed, I felt my whole being more connected to the reality, more alive to the aliveness around me whilst I felt increasingly more alive.
I began to understand that what was happening was that as I began to unlock, feel and recognize the energy and power in me, I could recognize it in the outside. The jungle became alive and snapping with vibrations of life.
Walking one day in the jungle, I suddenly understood that I figured want to be connected to God, it is my responsibility to be connected to myself. That is to say- if what I perceive on the outside is limited by my ability to be present with that quality on the inside, then to get a possibility of relatively knowing the intrinsically unknowable G -d I have to be relatively more in contact with my true self than now.
I think this connected to an idea I'd once heard in a Kabbalah class; each person brings consciousness and to a certain type of consciousness. Our role is to cultivate that divine spark inside to be as much as possible cleaved to our way of perceiving the world. As each being is more consciously acting out what is good about him, together we raise the goodness of G-d in our lives. Under this teaching, G-d is the Grand Intelligence and we are each fragments of God.
Back when I was in Thailand doing that detox I was doing alot of meditation and got well practiced in quieting my mind at will. I didn't always managed but I was at a level (and on holiday) that's I'm no currently but may yet return to. I was amazed to find that as the month closed, part of the transformation I felt, aside from the very obvious physical transformation that I was glowing with good health (and was 8 kilos less than my current weight...) was that my voice changed.
It's hard to explain and I don't have a good musical memory in any case that I can play back to myself in my head now how my voice changed then. The best I can describe is that something in my voice changed so I was no longer coming from a place inside where I was seeking approval. A shrillness dissolved, which is a strange thing to day because my voice wasnt what I'd call explicitly shrill before. And accordingly, my breath too changed in some way.
The importance of the breathe in the East I understand through seeing it as the significant interface between our physical body and the external, the air which we need for sustenance. The fact that breathing is both half under or control and half not, this for me reflects the paradox of human existence. We both have free will, and yet everything is predetermined.
The amazing Tao Porchon Lynch says that all the power in the universe is within you. And all the power within you is found in the breath.
When Tao Porchon Lynch says all the power on the universe in inside us what I understand that she means is: we recognize what happens on the outside as a reflected reminder in our insides and vice versa.
This is because all is one.
To see that, you see you are part of the power that is life that you perceive on the outside. Your job is to connect to your self as a being in life.
The tree that renews itself season after season is in full power as a tree because it is acting true to itself, as a tree.
This false internal belief I uncovered; that I cannot be happy or fulfilled being single; that I cannot be a happy single mother. These, like the belief that I cannot be happy being powerful, these are illusions I'm very vested in, which exhaust me day to day. When I know, I have already everything I need.
I have the power inside me already. The issue is not that I am not powerful. The issue is that I pretend I am not.
In physics, power is the ability to move a mass over a distance. Power is potential action, to create a change of state. I may not always succeed in achieving the state I want. But I can try. It is trying that is the power. All other types of power are deception. However because I am well regarded, people believe in my efforts simply because it is me trying. For that reason,I'm.more relatively likely to succeed compared to someone who would have barriers because no one believes in him. But in any case, a.larye component of success is chance.
And besides, who can say what is truly successful ultimately? Meaning, it success must be aimed.at because it is good, under which context is it good? Time is infinite. By which parameters and which timescale and to what and whose purpose are we to judge what is good or a success?
Each one has full power inside already. It's not w case of.getting more inner power. It's a case of unlocking it.
My miseries are caused by misunderstandings.
I have everything I need. Happiness is now.