Dear diary yingyang
This is the 2nd time in over a year i put shoes on. I normally wear sandals. I went on a 1.5mile walk, the farthest ive done in 1.5 years. I felt stress leave my body. I felt empowerment. I felt Free.
My mind was easy and clear as the walk progressed. About halfway through i was flooded with memories. Memories of my gym dedication, my nutrition dedication, bicycling, running, sports, going out to restraunts, to bars, hanging with friends.
It pissed me the fuck off. I hate this health issue. I fucking hate it. I want to eat a cheeseburger. I want to have a few beers. At least let me have a cigar. I want to lift weights hard. I want it to not be painful just to speak. I want to go to the beach. I want to surf like i use to & fish. Im sick of it all. I just want to be myself. Im now having reactions to garlic. I cant have hot sauce. Rice sets my pain off. Definitely no sugar. The teas i was drinking now do it. Barely do coffee accept the hack i found. Mother fucker. This is some bullshit. I need out of this fucking cage. Today someone texted me. It wasnt even that bad. Any normal peraon wouldnt of even flinched. But it stumped me slightly and annoyed me. Welp all of a sudden my neck pain shoots through the roof. Wtf really. Its getting bad w my wife. She is so kind and compassionate to me. It must be very difficult dealing with me. She has to bite her tongue too much cuz she knows it will set off my pain. Stuff i dont even care about can set my fucking pain off. I miss beimg myself. I miss it. Why the fuck has this happened to me? Why y y y y? I dont even kill bugs.
The walk was both good and bad hence yingyang. It really struck a chord.
Damn. I felt your pain reading that. Try to focus on the stuff you can do. I know, easier said than done. I have nothing else. Just sending you good vibes.
Ty Lizzy, your vibes are much appreciated. Just had to let it out.
You are doing very great bro, i am sure you will continue to see a positive improvement
I am determined to. Ty @factism!
Dang you got a mile and a half in!! NICE!! Try the best you can to stay positive, don’t let the negative thoughts steal your joy. This is something I struggled with in my life. It takes a lot of time to learn how to take every thought captive and disregard the negative and hold onto the positive.
Keep on keepin’ on brother!!
Thanks brother. For sure, the support helps!
1.5 makes me giggle, im use to hardcore workouts. But yah it was a big feat for me today.
Im dedicated to healing brother. I find it theraputic to let negative energies out. As you say there is always a bright side. Ty for the reminders :]