Just wanted to let you know I am right here if you need me. And if you need your temporary space it is ok too, just do not rush decisions when everything is dim and blurry by our own dismal thoughts. It is natural to feel down simetimes,I do not want you to go, I would not force you to stay. Just know I am here.
I think of death too, but in similar situation mypanic is the contrary, I fear death, having been or thought to be close to it at some points in my life made me aware how time flies, and that I might cease to exist, think or dream.
Take a day off, go and walk barefoot on grass. Breathe. You know best than anyone. Your calls.
Balance is a complex thing and most of us struggle to keep it.
Hugs