RE: From my daughter's bedside: Looking over the shoulder
I can relate to your feeling, man. I have two daughters (of mine, plus other two who are not mine, but who i am raising) with who i spent the first 7 and 2 years of their lives respectively. Then, divorce came and everything went to hell.
Despite my efforts to keep as close to them as possible; to be for them every step of the way (school, sports, hospital, parks, movies), the outgrowing came.
I can't recognize my 16-year old anymore. She has become a total stranger. The 11-year old is still loving and shows more affection and need of my company, but i think there is nothing we can do to make things right. Time, circumstances and personality define what our relationship with our children will become.
I sincerely wish you the best odds in this lottery. May your daughter always see you the way you see her.
Don't take it personal. That's just part of how it works. She has other things more important in her life than you now. (she doesn't even realize how important you still are) She will come around again, after the teenage years. Well, that has been my experience with 4 daughters.
Thanks for joining in. I don't take it personal; i mean i have not (at least consciously) done anything to trigger her behavior, but I can't help feeling bad about it. I know divorce is often times the ultimate culprit and it takes time for kids to channel their frustration and to exhonerate their parents from blame.
In any case, teenage behavior tends to be like this (fencinf off parents or any grownup who messes up with their view of the world), until they realize they were wrong all the way (when their rebelliousness is motivated by idiotic peer pressure).
When our first daughter started exhibiting behavior like you described, we were shocked. It was completely out of character for her. By the time our fourth daughter had acted the same way, we no longer took it personal because we realized it was just a part of growing up.
Our situation did not have the same challenges you share, so my best wishes are with you that all works out well.
For what it's worth, just keep loving her.
Thank you very much. That's what I try to do. It's a challenge when doors get slammed in your face.
Ah yes, I remember that experience. It was years ago, so now I think back on it with fondness . My daughters are all grown women with their own door slammers now!
Hahahaha. Divine justice.
The role of parent in any situation is difficult, let alone when there are so many other life pressures going on. We all do the best we can though I guess despite how it might look and feel at times. I think as kids grow older (especially when they have their own kids) they start to look back and understand a little more why things were the way they were.
Yes, that tends to be the case.