Can we Make Friends Without Making Enemies?
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Can we Make Friends Without Enemies?
In this video, I talk about why, how and when we can make friends and if that is possible without making enemies. I follow the principle of being myself and not trying to fit in.
(Click here to watch the video on DTube)
What is your experience in that regard? Have you tried to make friends on purpose? I did in the past and it worked for a while till the differences between these people and me became too much.
I could not speak with much passion here because my neighbors are asleep and I also looked in the camera lights in between. If you have more criticism, suggestions or wishes for video topics then would you please write those into the comments?
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Rough Transcript
Can You Make Friends Without Making Enemies?
That is a question I sometimes ask myself but then I remember why I should care anyway because you cannot force making friends. If we are ourselves then we make us vulnerable to get hated and loved.
Why should we not be ourselves to get liked? There are many reasons for that but let's assume we want to make real friends that we want to spend our time with that share many of our opinions, interests and goals.
How can we achieve that without being ourselves with all our weaknesses and strength? That is simply impossible.
If we want to make friends than we have to be ourselves which results in many people that won't like us because if you are a true individual you will not be compatible with everyone else because you are an individual and not like everyone else.
People like https://busy.org/@theoccultcorner say they are bad at making friends and I don't think that is true, he is just exceptionally good at being himself.
You can try to wrap your words in cotton but is that good for your well-being? Not it is not, because walking on Eggshells makes you think twice about what you say which is a filter to your personality.
Furthermore, it is also bad to have a need for friends, because if you look for them you are subconsciously putting a filter on yourself because you are doing something you don't normally do to find people that like you.
So how can you make friends without making enemies? You can't if you are yourself unfiltered, there will always be someone that doesn't like you. What you can do is constantly being yourself especially when people try to change you.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” —Emerson.
And that is my take on this problem, have a nice day! : )
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Phil unphiltered.
Agreed, so important to be ourselves as otherwise things become fake and based on lies, so what's the point?
Though some might put the filter on in the guise of protecting you from truth or not wanting to hurt someone, both those filters are damaging long term.
Unphiltered 😂
I agree with it all Helen!
@valorforfreedom yes you can make friends without making enemies. It depends if or if not the person has many of the same beliefs/interests as you do. If so it will be easy for you both to better along better. You should always be yourself and by doing so obviously there will be people that may disagree with you. This can make it more difficult to get along with those people. That fact of the matter is you WILL NOT always get along with others and they will not always get along with you. I'm not saying that you will be enemies but you may not like one another and that's fine. People tend to gravitate to people that as I said have things in common. They have a better likelihood of becoming "friends". The people that you find the opposite is true you would tend to stay away from because you don't have common interests or opinions. I feel that is normal. You also may not like one another as a result. This can result in arguing, etc. In this case they can become an enemy over time if things escalate in a bad way. A great, insightful post as always Phil. Oh and I would consider you a friend by the way.
Thank you very much for sharing your experience Gerry. My experience was that I didn't even make friends in the gym as the gym isn't enough to become friends, I am too far away from the norm.
I consider you a friend as well : )
Oh when I go to the gym I am not there to socialize honestly. I treat it like a job because it is "WORK". I focus on what I need to do (routine)for that day. I may have some small talk with someone there or I may not. I don't consider them friends though. Maybe a "Hi" or "Hello" but nothing more.
I don't hang out at other places : )
Same here. It's like unless you don't talk you have "friends" because any difference is more important than what you have in common. It's tiring.
At least in Steemit you can Philter the friends you follow or read their posts and do trial and error that way.
My husband and I are at a point that we don't really care anymore if we do have friends or not. We'll just wait till the "real friend" reveals him/herself who can stand butting heads with us and still be friends. Because a real friend understands a true individual.
You got it going, just keep going. :)
Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom LoveNFreedom : )
I also don't try to make friends anymore, it doesn't work like that.
Either we are liked for who we are or it doesn't happen. 👍
You need to be true to yourself, first and foremost. That requires you to yourself, the good, the bad, and ugly. You can't control how others react to you, so there is no sense being fake in the hopes more people will like you.
By being yourself you make true friends. People who will stick by you through thick or thin. They accept you for who you really are and are able to overlook your shortcomings. They will tell when you screwed up or disappointed them.
This open discussion with a true friend can spark the motivation to improve yourself. This will be real change not just the appearance of change to please people. You do it out of love and wanting to be a better friend to that person.
To many people today are concerned about the number of friends they have instead of the quality of these friendships.
Timeless advice EH!
100%, I know from experience that the more comfortable one is in solitude the higher the quality of the friend/s will be.
I am generally quite polite. That makes me approachable. I need to deal with a large number of people that way. Staff, other contractors, and clients. However, the term friend and friendly are not the same.
I have also figured out that even though you can be a well-mannered person, then you can still be hated. This happened at work because some people externalize issues and other people get jealous of successful people and cannot handle it.
I can be myself while being polite. Or being polite is a part of who I am. It doesn't last all day though. I have a lot of patience and then there is a limit to it as well and after that then there will be consequences.
Good video, keep going, Phil!
Thank you Zak, good insights! Thank you for sharing them. 👍
I am polite as well, it's my opinions and low tolerance for bullshit which makes me unlikable to many people, but I don't care about that.
I am who I am.
you can not Make TRUE & REAL FRIENDS without making many more enemies.
You can however make plenty of phony baloney fake friends & pleasant casual acquaintances - with pout making enemies.
I absolutely agree Cala! 😇
That Ralph Waldo Emerson quote is a beast. That basically sums up my approach. Much easier said than done though. Mental toughness is key.
I know me an you have discussed this before. you just have to be yourself, learn, grow and adapt. There will always be naysayers and naggers. Peace bro.
Thanks for the support bro!
I struggle a lot with the being myself part at the moment because people are currently trying to change me because of the situation I am currently in (not enough money, currently moving to a rural area, no assurance that the value of Steem will ever rise causes them to tell me that I need to find a job, to fit into society because I will be alone all the time in the rural area, etc.)
If I give into that pressure depression will hit me because fitting in means that I put myself into a metaphysical cage.
upvote for me please? https://steemit.com/news/@bible.com/6h36cq
Make friends as much as you want . And treat the friends well so later they won't become your enemy. And always stay away from fake friends.