The other day I was talking to a colleague about bullying and childhood trauma and he attaches quite heavily to his experience and he still carries the emotions and pain with him. I have taken another approach in life and rather than carry the pain of a child struggling to cope all those years ago, I have recognized the experience of it all as a strength and dropped the emotional attachment to the experience away. It might not be easy or even ideal but, it has been much better than the alternative of carrying baggage along with me. What has happened is that the time I hold on to emotions is getting shorter and shirt to the point that in most cases, I can process them on the fly and keep moving unhindered.
I hope that you are able to find a way to process your own past experience for a chance at a more useful one in the moment, as the burdens learned in childhood are not only heavy, they are rarely helpful in my opinion.
I just don't know how and everything I've tried so far has not been super helpful. I must be defective by the design? xD
None of us are perfect. I like the saying to be gentle to people because everyone is fighting their own battle. It's true too. Everyone has struggles and difficulties. Some just show them more than others, and some are more overwhelmed than others.
Nah, i think we are all defective by design so that we are more inclined to take the journey to make ourselves whole, less fractured and conflicted.