Thank you so much for these posts - and terms that are new to me, even though I've tried counselors and three different psychiatrists, a psychologist, etc, and a cocktail of pharmaceuticals with psychotropic side effects clearly listed. *sigh
**I must then inquire as neutrally as possible if I am correctly hearing/receiving what the person speaking/acting is trying to convey. Some ways to do that begin:

Am I hearing you say . . . ?
I'm not sure I fully understand. Do you mean . . . ?**
But I tell ya what, Are you ok is one of those triggers.
And praise fills me with dread due to the Sandwich Method of delivering criticism. For me, any positive comment is sure to be followed by chastisements, followed by some phony reassurance and positive.
Yes, we can learn to recognize patterns. We make choices
Reacting vs Choosing
Thinking first, making good choices, is what functional people do.
Thanks again Shawna for sharing these things.
Your own struggles lead to insights that can help others.